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Bill Potts: You know you're my foster mum? He's like my foster tutor.
Moira: Am I going to have to break every bone in his body?
Bill: It's not like that.
Moira: You need to keep your eye on men.
Bill: [sotto] Men aren't where I keep my eye, actually.
Bill: Going anywhere for Christmas?
The Doctor; I never go anywhere.
Bill: That's not true. You go places, I can tell. My mum always said, 'With some people you can smell the wind in their clothes.'
The Doctor: Oh. She sounds nice.
Bill: She died when I was a baby.
The Doctor: Oh.
Bill: Yeah.
The Doctor: If she died when you were a baby, when did she say that?
Bill: In my head. I'm supposed to look like her, but I don't really know. There's hardly any photographs. She hated having her picture taken. But if someone's gone, do pictures really help?
Bill: Sorry, can I ask? What's that in your eye?
Heather: It's just a defect in the iris.
Bill: Looks like a star.
Heather: Well, it's a defect.
Bill: At least it's a defect that looks like a star.
Heather: I'm getting it fixed.
Bill: Okay...
Bill: Why'd you run like that?
The Doctor: Like what?
Bill: Like a penguin with its arse on fire.
The Doctor: Ergonomics. [points to his reflection in the puddle] That's my face, yeah?
Bill: (to The Doctor.) Look, I know you know lots of stuff about, well, basically everything, but do you know any sci-fi?
Bill: Look, this is all mad, I know, but that's the girl I told you about. Heather. Only I don't think it's really her. I know this is hard to believe. I know you're not exactly a sci-fi person [Then she turns around and sees the TARDIS.]
The Doctor: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. TARDIS for short. You're safe in here. You're safe in here and you always will be. Any questions?
Bill: Is this a knock-through?
The Doctor: Well, in a way, yes.
Bill: Look at this place. It's like a
The Doctor: Spaceship.
Bill: Kitchen.
The Doctor: A what?
Bill: A really posh kitchen, all metal. What happened with the doors, though? Did you run out of money?
The Doctor: What you are standing in is a technological marvel. It is science beyond magic. This is the gateway to everything that ever was, or ever can be.
Bill: Can I use the toilet?
The Doctor: Pardon?
Bill: I've had a fright. I need the toilet.
The Doctor: It's down there, first right, second left, past the macaroon dispenser.
Bill: Thanks.
Bill: [about the TARDIS] Doctor, it's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!
Nardole: Hey hey, we got there!
Bill: How is that possible? How'd he do that?
Nardole: Well, first, you have to imagine a very big box fitting inside a very small box.
Bill: Okay.
Nardole: Then you have to make one. It's the second part people normally get stuck on.
Bill: Is everything out here evil?
The Doctor: Hardly anything is evil. But most things are hungry. Hunger looks very like evil from the wrong end of the cutlery. Or do you think that your bacon sandwich loves you back?
Bill: What changed your mind?
The Doctor: Time.
Bill: Time?
The Doctor: And relative dimension in space. [Opens the TARDIS door with a snap] It means… "What the hell."
The Doctor: Well, I'm not the right person to ask.
Bill: Traveling to the past, there's got to be rules. If I step on a butterfly, it could send ripples through time that mean I'm not even born yet in the first place, and I could just disappear.
The Doctor: Definitely. I mean, that's what happened to Pete.
Bill: Pete?
The Doctor: Your friend, Pete. He was standing there a moment ago. He stepped on a butterfly. Now you don't even remember him.
[Bill looks concerned, then realizes the Doctor is putting her on.]
Bill: Shut up! I'm being serious.
Bill: Regency England. Bit more black than they show in the movies.
Nardole: Okay, Bill. Miss Potts. [removes his glasses, serious tone] I'm the only person you've ever met, or will ever meet, who is officially licensed to kick the Doctor's arse! I will happily do the same to you in the event that you do not align yourself with any instructions I have issued which I personally judged to be in the best interest of your safety and survival. [replaces his glasses, back to normal tone] Okay? Bill?
The Doctor: It could have chosen anywhere on this planet. It chose to sit on the strategic intersection of the three most powerful armies on Earth. So what it's doing, Colonel, is sending us a message.
The Doctor: Human society is… stagnating. You've stopped moving forward. In fact, you're regressing.
Bill: Well, this isn't exactly much better.
The Doctor: It's safer.
Bill: Not so much for the people the Monks are killing.
The Doctor: The Romans killed people and saved billions more from disease. War. Famine. And barbarism.
Bill: No, wait. What about free will? You believe in free will. Your whole thing is -- You made me write a 3000-word essay on free will!
The Doctor: Yes, well, you had free will, and look at what you did with it. Worse than that, you had history. History was saying to you, "Look, I've got some examples of fascism here for you to look at. No? Fundamentalism? No? Oh. Okay. You carry on." I had to stop you, or at least not stand in the way of someone else who wanted to. Because the guns were getting bigger, the stakes were getting higher, and any minute now, it's gonna be "Goodnight, Vienna". By the way, you never delivered that essay.
Bill: Because the world was invaded by zombie monks!
The Doctor: Humanity's doomed to never learn from its mistakes.
Bill: Well, I guess that's part of our charm.
The Doctor: No. It's really quite annoying.
Bill: Why do you put up with us (humanity), then?
The Doctor: In amongst seven billion, there's someone like you. That's why I put up with the rest of them.
Bill: And they're the proper martians, right? They belong here?
The Doctor: Yes, the indigenous species. An ancient reptilian race. They built themselves a sort of bio-mechanical armour for protection. The creature within is at one with it's carapace. The Ice Warriors. They could build a city under the sand yet drench the snows of Mars with innocent blood. They could slaughter whole civilisations, yet weep at the crushing of a flower.
Bill: What, you can deal with big green Martians and, and, and rocket ships, but you can't deal with us being the police?
Godsacre: No, no, no, no, no. It's just such a fanciful notion. A woman in the police force.
Bill: Listen, yeah? I'm going to make allowances for your Victorian attitudes because, well, you actually are Victorian
Bill: Actually, I was out today, and I saw more people than I have in weeks. It wasn't just a day out, though, it was more sort of a-- Well, it-- It was a march. I wasn't gonna tell you about it because we're sticking to the good news, keeping it positive and... Well, the reason we were marching isn't good news at all. Turns out, not all Cybermen have got handles on their heads, let's put it that way. And if I'm trying to look on the bright side, and cheer you up, stuck up there on your old spaceship, I'll say this: A lot of very angry people with a very, very good reason to be angry kept their distance and kept their calm. At least where I was, everyone remembered to be kind. It hasn't always worked out that way, which is understandable. There are some things you never seem to get away from, no matter how hard you try. But hey! Maybe this time. I dunno. This time, it feels... different, y'know? I have hope.