Torchwood

Torchwood (2006–2011) is a BBC sci-fi drama, and a spinoff of Doctor Who created by Russell T. Davies. The show is based around a fictional secret organisation who monitor and fight aliens around the city of Cardiff.

Series 1 opening narration: Torchwood: outside the government, beyond the police. Tracking down alien life on Earth, and arming the human race against the future. The 21st century is when everything changes. And you've got to be ready. Series 2 opening narration: Torchwood: outside the government, beyond the police. Fighting for the future, on behalf of the human race. The 21st century is when everything changes. And Torchwood is ready. Series 4 opening sequence: One day ... no one dies. Next day ... no one dies. And the next, and the next, and the next ... WORLD POPULATION: 6,928,198,254 [number increases before fading]

Everything Changes [1.01]

Jack: There you go! I can taste it! Oestrogen. Definitely oestrogen. You take the pill, flush it away, and it enters the water cycle. Feminizes the fish. Goes all the way up into the sky then falls all the way back down onto me. Contraceptives in the rain. Love this planet. Still, at least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again.

Gwen: But those people, last night - the people in the car, who are they? What's Torchwood?

PC Andy: I dunno. Special Ops?

Gwen: Yeah, but what does that mean?

PC Andy: I'll bet you ten quid they're DNA specialists. It's all DNA these days. Like that CSI bollocks. CSI Cardiff, I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab!

Jack: And before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?

Owen: Er, yeah, that would be me. Sorry, I’m a twat.

Jack: And this is Ianto Jones. [Ianto nods] Ianto cleans up after us, and gets us everywhere on time.

Ianto: I try my best.

Jack: And he looks good in a suit.

Ianto: Careful, that's harassment, sir.

Gwen: But hold on, if no one can see it when the lift's coming up, there's a bloody big hole in the floor. Don't people fall in?

Jack: That is so Welsh.

Gwen: What is?

Jack: I show you something fantastic; you find fault.

Day One [1.02]

Jack: Alright, usual formation.

Gwen: What's the usual formation?

Owen: Varies.

Gwen: How can the usual formation vary?

[at a scene where a man has just been vaporized after having sex with the alien-possessed Carys]

Tosh: Oh, my God.

Gwen: He just...

Jack: [deadpan] Came and went.

Owen: [snickers] Now that's how I'd like to go.

Tosh: I'm sure we could arrange it.

Gwen: So what's this supposed to do?

Jack: I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the inward trajectory of the meteorite.

Tosh: He means he's trying to find out where it's come from.

Jack: Hey! Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul!

[Gwen hears Carys crying and walks to the screen in amazement]

Gwen: What are we doing, having Chinese while a girl fights for her life?

Jack: Actually, while we've been eating, the computers have been running a full bio-scan on Carys, profiling her blood, metabolism, organs, and the works. So we can see what effect the alien's having on her. They've also been taking samples of the air in the cell, so we can analyse any changes in the environment around her. Now, is that enough? Do you want more? 'Cause... gets kind of boring.

Gwen: You've been hidden down here too long. Spending so much time with the alien stuff. You've lost what it means to be human.

Jack: So remind us. Tell me what it means to be human in the twenty-first century.

[After finding Carys' ex as nothing more than a pile of dust]

Jack: Tosh was right though, she went for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she's young; work your way through my back catalogue, we'll be here till the Sun explodes.

Jack: So what's our next move?

Owen: Stop the entire city of Cardiff from shagging?

Gwen: Hmm... put bromide in the water supply.

Jack: No, too hit and miss.

Owen: Yeah, and the water company got really pissed off last time we did that...

Ghost Machine [1.03]

Gwen: No! It... it was as real as this is. More real. I didn't just see that little boy. I could... I could hear what he was thinking, I could feel it. Like I was lost!

Owen: Intense emotions can be part of a neurological event. Hallucinations? Dementia?

Gwen: I wasn't hallucinating, Owen! And I'm NOT bloody senile!

Jack: This kid, Bernie. Where does he live?

Tosh: Splott.

Owen: Splott?!

Ianto: I believe estate agents pronounce it "Sploe".

Tosh: [to Bernie's mother] Hi, I'm looking for Bernie. Is he in?

Bernie's Mother: [smoking a cigarette whilst dressed in PJ's] Friends of his are ya?

Tosh: [looks at Gwen uncertainly] Yes, I'm from the...

Bernie's Mother: [looks Tosh and Gwen up and down] Well, I'm his mother, and he's a robbing little bastard who's not setting a foot in this house till he pays me the fifty quid he owes me. [slams the door in their faces]

Gwen: What? I have to do that again?!

Jack: Someone does! Any volunteers? [throws the ghost device at Owen]

Owen: Woah!

Gwen: We don't know what it is, what it does.

Jack: Nope.

Gwen: Jack, this could be dangerous.

Jack: Yeah.

Owen: Uh, I don't mean to be picky, but I think I can spot some flaws in this plan...

Jack: I'm sorry! I thought you were the guys who gave up looking for a nineteen year old kid this morning! I figured maybe you were up for something more exciting!

Bernie: [to Owen after a chase] Don't hurt me, please, I've got asthma!

Owen: [panting] I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm gonna bloody kill ya!

Cyberwoman [1.04]

Tosh: All I'm saying is once in a while, I'd like to drive.

Owen: Yeah, and all I'm saying is no.

Tosh: Why not?

Owen: Look, I've shared cars with women before, I know what'll happen, there'll be an emergency, all raring to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, the rear view mirrors out of line, steering wheel's in my crotch. Time it's taken to sort it all out, aliens will have taken Newport!

Gwen: What about a rota? Different people on different days?

Jack: We're a secret organization hunting alien technology from an underground base, and you want a rota for who drives.

Gwen: Just trying to help.

[Ianto finds Dr. Tanizaki dead and half converted]

Ianto: Oh, god! Oh, my God! What happened?!

Lisa: His upgrade failed.

Ianto: Was it an accident? [stops] Tell me you didn't do this...!

Lisa: I wanted to repay him for helping me - by removing the weaknesses of his humanity.

Ianto: [horrified] What have you done? You've killed an innocent man!

Lisa: It's all right.

Ianto: It's not all right! They're going to come looking for me in a minute! If they see the body, If they find out what we've been doing--

Lisa: I can deal with them.

Ianto: Don't you go near them!

Jack: [pointing his gun at Ianto] Did you know that thing was down there?

Ianto: I put her there.

Jack: [enraged] You hid a Cyberman within Torchwood?! And you didn't tell us?! What else are you keeping from us?!

Ianto: [scathingly] Like you care. I clear up your shit, no questions asked, and that's the way you like it. When did you last ask me anything about my life? [pause] Her name's Lisa. She's my girlfriend.

Gwen: Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped you.

Ianto: Torchwood exists to destroy alien threats. Why would I tell you about her?

Owen: [angry] A little loyalty, perhaps?

Ianto: My loyalty's to her. She worked for Torchwood. She was caught up in the battle. I owe it to Lisa, we owe it to her, to find a cure.

Jack: Ianto, you have to believe me, there is no cure. There never will be. Those who are converted stay that way. Your girlfriend will not be the exception.

Ianto: You can't know that for sure!

Jack: Look, you need to know what's happening here. Because this is where these things start, small decisions that become mass slaughter. These creatures regain a foothold by exploiting human weakness. Then they take a base, rebuild their forces, and before you know it, the Cyber race is spreading out across the universe, erasing worlds, assimilating populations, all because of the tiny beginnings here. We need to stop her together!

Ianto: You're not listening to me. The conversion was never completed.

Jack: She already tried to kill Gwen. You think she's gonna stop there? There is no turning back for her now.

Ianto: I'm not giving up on her. I love her. Can you understand that, Jack? Haven't you ever loved anyone?

Jack: ...You need to figure out whose side you're on here, because if you don't know, you're not going to make it out of this alive.

Gwen: What the hell was that?

Owen: What?

Gwen: Snoggin' me.

Owen: Last kiss for the condemned man. Embarrassing, given we haven't been killed... [at Gwen's stare] What? It's not like I fancy you or anything!

Gwen: I was on top of you, I could feel your hard-on.

Owen: Yeah, well... You didn't exactly struggle, did ya?!

Ianto: [pointing a gun at all of them] I've got nothing left to lose.

Jack: There's always something left to lose.

Ianto: [about Lisa] I'm going back in to save her. Anybody tries to stop me, I'll shoot them.

Gwen: Ianto, put the gun--!

[Jack disarms Ianto and points his gun to his head]

Jack: You make a threat like that, you better be prepared to follow it through. [Ianto remains silent] See? You disobey me now, I really will shoot you.

Ianto: Get off me!

Jack: You want to go back in there? You go in to finish the job. If she's still alive, you execute her. [releases Ianto]

Ianto: [crying] No way.

Jack: You brought this down on us. You hid her. You hid yourself from us. Now it's time for you to stand as part of the team.

Gwen: Jack...

Jack: The girl you loved has gone. Your loyalty is to us now.

Ianto: You can't order me to do that.

Jack: You execute her, or I'll execute you both!

Ianto: I won't do it. You can't make me. You like to think you're a hero, but you're the biggest monster of all!

Jack: ...I'm giving you ten minutes. Then we're coming in. Pick it up.

[Ianto picks up his gun and leaves]

Tosh: How can you ask--?!

Jack: I don't need your opinion!

Small Worlds [1.05]

Jack: You shouldn't be here.

Ianto: Neither should you.

Jack: What you got?

Ianto: Funny sort of weather patterns.

[talking about his former love, Estelle's, visions of fairies]

Jack: She calls them fairies. I don't.

Gwen: What do you call them?

Jack: Never really had a proper name.

Gwen: Why not?

Jack: Something from the dawn of time, how could you possibly put a name to that?

Gwen: Are we talking alien?

Jack: Worse.

Gwen: How come?

Jack: Because they're part of us. Part of our world, yet we know nothing about them. So we pretend to know what they look like. We see them as happy, we imagine they have tiny little wings and are bathed in moonlight.

Gwen: But they're not?

Jack: No. Think dangerous. Think something you can only half-see, like a glimpse, like something out of the corner of your eye. With a touch of myth, a touch of the spirit world, a touch of reality all jumbled together, old moments and memories that are frozen in amongst it. Like debris, spinning around a ring planet, tossing, turning, whirling... backwards and forwards through time.

Ianto: I blame it on magic mushrooms.

Jack: What you do in private is none of our business.

[after the fairies kill Estelle]

Gwen: It wasn't your dad that was in love with her all those years ago, was it? It was you.

Jack: We once made a vow... that we'd be with each other till we died.

Countrycide [1.06]

Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell?

Gwen: That would be grass.

Owen: It's disgusting.

Jack: Seventeen disappearances within the last five months. Police are clueless.

Owen: Now there's a surprise! [to Gwen] No offence, PC Cooper.

Owen: What's the matter with a hotel?

Jack: People are going missing around here, do you really wanna stay in a place run by strangers?

Owen: Oh, 'cause sleeping outside's gonna be a lot safer!

Jack: No other race in the universe goes camping. Celebrate your own uniqueness!

Owen: [looks helplessly at a tent] What am I supposed to do with this?!

Tosh: [amused] Need a hand getting it up, Owen?

Owen: If I did, I wouldn't ask you.

Ianto: You're used to this, aren't you? That facial expression you all share. When things get a bit, out of control. Like you enjoy it. Like you get a high from the danger.

Tosh: You want me to apologize for that?

Ianto: Don't you ever wonder how long you can survive before you go mad, or get killed, or lose a loved one?

Tosh: It's worth the risk, to protect people!

Ianto: And who protects us?!

[pause]

Tosh: God, I'm hungry.

Ianto: You should've had that cheeseburger.

Tosh: Not that hungry.

Jack: You need to know something. A long time ago, I was pretty good at torture. You see I had quite a reputation as the go-to guy. My job demanded, at the time, see. So I know where to apply the tiniest amount of pressure to a wound like yours...

Cannibal: Stop, you're going to kill me! Help me!

Jack: It's in your power to make me stop. Just tell me what I need to know! 'Cause in ten seconds, I'm going to find a sharp object.

Greeks Bearing Gifts [1.07]

Tosh: What's most amazing are the similarities with our own culture. But that can be horrible, 'cause we find lots of weapons and it just makes you think, "My God, everything wages war." It's not just a trait of ours, but a trait of existence. It makes you feel so hopeless! But then there are times... we found this thing, it was about A-4 size, and it had all these symbols on it. And it took me about three months to translate, and it was a letter someone had written to his family, to his children, to say how much he was missing them! It just made me cry, because I thought, even across these unimaginable distances, there are fundamentals that stay exactly the same. And there's no one to talk to about this. I mean, the guys at work, they're great, but they don't see it the way I do.

Ianto: [thinking] Can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt. [out loud] I'm about to brew some of Jack's industrial strength coffee. Would you like a cup?

Tosh: I'm... I'm fine, thanks, Ianto.

Owen: So, I started looking into, um, devil worship and stuff from that era [the 1800s], see if there's anything about plucking out hearts, and would you believe it, there's nothing! They ate eyeballs, they drank blood, they had sex with animals, but they did not pluck out each others' hearts, because obviously, that would have been weird.

[Tosh discovers Mary is an alien]

Tosh: So, I'm shagging a woman and an alien.

Mary: Which is worse?

Tosh: Well, I know which one my parents would say...

Tosh: Why couldn't I read your mind?

Jack: I don't know. But I could feel you scrabbling around in there. [grins]

Tosh: I got nothing. It's like you were, I don't know...dead. [Jack's grin fades]

They Keep Killing Suzie [1.08]

Swanson: At last, you must be Torchwood. My team bitch about you all the time.

Jack: And you are?

Swanson: Detective Swanson.

Jack: I'm Captain Jack Harkness. [shakes her hand]

Swanson: So I've heard. Tell me something, are you always this dressy for a murder investigation?

Jack: What, you rather me naked?

Swanson: God help me, the stories are true.

Owen: If it's someone we've pissed off, that narrows it down to four or five million.

Jack: And that's just the humans.

Jack: Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?

Ianto: Two thousand and eight.

Owen: Hey, what if they all become psychotic?

Tosh: [annoyed] Do you have to sound so happy?

Owen: Yeah, I'm just saying-- Mean Streets!

Suzie: "Captain, my Captain!" Do you want to know a secret? There's something moving in the dark and it's coming, Jack Harkness. It's coming for you.

Jack: Thanks for doing this.

Ianto: Part of my job, sir.

Jack: No, I should be doing it. But... [sighs] One day, we're gonna run out of space...

Ianto: [after a pause] If you're interested, I've still got a stopwatch.

Jack: So?

Ianto: Well, think about it... lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.

Jack: [thinks for a moment, then grins] Oh, yeah! Heh, I can think of a few.

Ianto: There's quite a list.

Jack: I'll send the others home early, see you in my office in ten.

Ianto: That's ten minutes... [clicks stopwatch button] and counting. [Jack starts to walk away] Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?

Jack: Good question.

Ianto: She had quite a few deaths in the end.

Jack: I don't know. 'Death by Torchwood'.

Ianto: I'll put a lock on the door. Just in case she goes walking again.

Jack: Nah. No chance of that. The Resurrection days are over, thank God.

Ianto: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure. That's the thing about gloves, sir. They come in pairs.

Random Shoes [1.09]

Eugene: [Opening narration] The speed of light is 299,792,458 meters per second. Pain travels through the body at 350 feet per second. Even a sneeze can reach a hundred miles per hour. And as for life? Well... that just bloody whizzes by.

Gwen: What was he doing out on that road?

Owen: Oh, fuck knows. Categorizing chevrons? He was a geek.

Gwen: Do you think Eugene committed suicide?

Tosh: It was a road accident, there was no alien involved.

Gwen: See, I'm not so sure, because something seems really odd. I mean, I just... I just feel... like there's something going on...

Owen: Marvelous. Thank you for that Disney moment.

Eugene: The average life is full of near misses and absolute hits. Of great love and small disasters. It's made up of banana milkshakes, loft insulation and random shoes. It's dead ordinary and truly, truly amazing. What you've got to realize is, it's all here, now. So breathe deep and swallow it whole. Because take it from me: life just whizzes by, and then, all of a sudden, it's--

Out of Time [1.10]

[Diane examines the automatic doors]

Diane: How did it do that?

Ianto: It's automatic. It knows you're there.

Diane: But how?

Ianto: There are wave-bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves and then they throw reflections -

Diane: [looks into the store] Bananas!

Ianto: ...Of course, bananas are far more interesting.

Emma: How much food money have I got left?

Ianto: £15.40. [Emma immediately grabs various confectionery items] £12.10. You'll ruin your teeth.

Emma: You sound like my mum.

[John Ellis picks up a copy of a magazine with a woman in her underwear on the front]

John: Good God!

Ianto: Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-dressed celebrities.

[...]

John: There's children around!

Ianto: She's a children's TV presenter.

[John replaces the magazine with a shocked expression]

Gwen: Emma's parents are a bit religious.

Rhys: Oh, er... Better not tell them you saw my morning glory, then, eh!

Combat [1.11]

[At a scene where a man has been killed by a weevil, The Crazy Frog Ringtone sounds]

Tosh: Is that his...?

Jack: [annoyed] You don't think I would choose that ringtone?

[Owens phone rings]

Owen: This is Owen's voice-mail, don't leave a message.

Jack: Nice try, Owen, I want you back at the hub immediately. We've got a Weevil murder, so get your bony little ass over here now.

Jack: Okay Janet [the Weevil], time for a trip out.

Tosh: You call it Janet?

Jack: Barbara just never seemed right.

Owen: I didn't want saving.

Jack: You want us to apologize?

Owen: For a few seconds in that cage, I felt totally at peace... And then you blunder in. Do you always know best, Jack? Is that what you believe?

Captain Jack Harkness [1.12]

Jack: I went to war when I was a boy. I was with my best friend. We got caught crossing the border over enemy lines. They tortured him, not me, because he was weaker. They made me watch him die! And they let me go.

Captain Harkness: Who were they?

Jack: The worst possible creatures you can imagine. I persuaded him to join up. I said it would be an adventure. He hadn't lived.

Captain Harkness: Have any of us?

Ianto: You have to let Diane go. Like I did with Lisa.

Owen: Don't compare yourself to me. You're just the tea boy.

Ianto: I'm much more than that. Jack needs me.

Owen: In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you're his part time shag, maybe.

Owen: World didn't end after all, did it? Good job you're a crap shot.

Ianto: I was aiming for your shoulder.

Tosh: He would have been so proud that you took his name. 'Cause here you are, saving the world. To Captain Jack.

Jack: To Captain Jack.

End of Days [1.13]

Ianto: "And I heard but did not understand and I said, 'Master, what is the end of all these things?' And he said, 'Go, Daniel, for the things are closed up and sealed until the end of time.'" Daniel 12, verse 10.

Gwen: Sounds a bit close for comfort.

Owen: This machine's on the blink, keeps losing power. [to Ianto] Sorry, don't let me stop your portents of doom. Or have you finished?

Ianto: No. Plenty more where that came from. Abaddon, the Great Devourer, who'll lead the world into shadow.

Jack: Yeah, thanks, Ianto. I could do without the superstition; you people love any story that denies the randomness of existence.

Ianto: Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better.

Jack: Under any other circumstances, an exuberant Roman soldier would be my idea of a perfect morning.

Andy: Do you think this is the end of the world?

Gwen: Oh, Andy, don't be silly. Do you think the world's gonna end on your shift?

Andy: I've seen you use that smile on a lot of people.

Gwen: What smile?

Andy: That smile you use to reassure people, when deep down, you know everything's gone to shit.

Jack: [scathingly] You're a united front now. Toshiko, the poor girl who'll screw any passing alien that gives her a pendant. Owen, so strong he gets into a cage with a weevil, desperate to be mauled. Ianto, hiding a cyber-girlfriend in the basement - your three comrades here pumped bullets into her, remember?

Gwen: I've got to get Rhys back.

Jack: Yeah, 'cause you're so in love with Rhys, you spend half your time in Owen's bed.

Gwen: [punches Jack] Fuck you!

Gwen: The visions we had. We all saw people we loved. What did you see?

Jack: Nothing. There was nothing.

Gwen: Jack? What would have tempted you? What visions would have convinced you to open the Rift?

Jack: The right kind of Doctor.

Gwen: Jack?

Jack: Where are they with those coffees?

[Jack leaves. He walks through the Hub, then stops. He bends over with a wide grin on his face in front of the hand in the jar. The hand is bubbling and glowing. The sound of a TARDIS materializing fills the room and blows paper around. Jack grins and runs offscreen (later continuing to Utopia). Gwen walks in as we hear the TARDIS start to materialize.]

Gwen: Jack! Jack!

[The TARDIS noise fades away as the others walk in and notice the mess]

Gwen: Did you see Jack on your way in?

Tosh: No.

Owen: I thought we tidied up in here. What's the matter?

Gwen: He was just here. Something's taken him, and Jack's gone.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang [2.01]

Gwen: [pushing Jack] You left us, Jack!

Jack: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry.

Gwen: We knew nothing, Jack!

Tosh: Where were you?

Jack: [smiles] I found my Doctor.

Owen: Did he fix you?

Jack: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.

Ianto: [softly] Are you going back to him?

Jack: I came back for you. [to the rest of the team] All of you.

[John has skulled half a bottle of vodka]

Jack: So, how was rehab?

John: Rehabs. Plural.

Jack: Drink, drugs, sex and ...?

John: Murder.

Jack: [laughs] You went to murder rehab?

John: I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?

Jack: [jokingly worried] You clean now?

John: [deadpan] Yeah, kicked everything, living like a priest.

John: Ooh, you've got a team. How sweet.[looks at Tosh] Oh, pretty, little friend. No blonde, though, you need a blonde.

Owen: God, he's worse than Jack.

John: Do you have a team name? I love team names. Go on!

Jack: Torchwood.

John: Oh, not Excalibur? Uh, Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh dear.

Jack: [After introducing the team] Meet-

John: Captain John Hart.

Jack: We go back.

John: Excuse me, we more than go back. We were partners.

Ianto: In what way?

John: In every way. And then some. [waggles eyebrows]

Jack: It was two weeks.

John: Except that two weeks was trapped in a time-loop, so we were together for five years. [to the team] It was like having a wife.

Jack: You were the wife.

John: You were the wife...

Jack: No, you were the wife...

John: Oh, but I was a good wife!

Tosh: I bet you were! [gets a look off Owen and Gwen] What? Don't pretend you haven't noticed, he's cute!

John: They're just shy.

Jack: Oh yeah, loving that office-y feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic. Office romances... Photocopying your butt... well, maybe not your butt, although as we're here why don't we photo-

Ianto: The rift was active at these coordinates, approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof.

Jack: ...How are you, Ianto?

Ianto: All the better for having you back, Sir.

[pause]

Jack: Can we maybe drop the 'Sir' now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking, maybe we could... You know, when this is all done... Dinner, a movie...?

Ianto: ...Are you asking me out on a date?

Jack: Interested?

Ianto: [stuttering] Well, as long as it's not in an office! Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.

Jack: Looks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant pot.

Ianto: Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs. [Jack starts to leave] Jack? Why are we helping him?

Jack: He's a reminder of my past, I want him gone. [Beat] By the way, was that a yes?

Ianto: Yes, yes...

Sleeper [2.02]

Ianto: "Just us. In this room. As long as it takes." Terrifying.

Jack: Really?

Ianto: [nods] Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.

Jack: You don't look scared.

Ianto: Well, it passed.

[Jack growls in mock frustration]

Tosh: You said we weren't allowed to use that again.

Jack: It's just a mind probe.

Ianto: Remember what happened last time you used it?

Jack: That was different. And that species has extremely high blood pressure.

Ianto: Oh, right, their heads must explode all the time.

[Gwen looks up, wide-eyed in shock]

Gwen: Jack, you can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.

Jack: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.

Tosh: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.

Ianto: Or at the first sign of exploding.

Beth: Will it hurt?

Jack: Yeah.

Beth: Your bedside manners are rubbish.

Gwen: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious, apparently... so I've heard.

Ianto: Oh, they are. I remember this one...

[Jack clears his throat]

Tosh: No, I can't "just hook something up"! The entire telephone network is down!

Owen: What about a mobile connection?

Tosh: [annoyed] The entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!

Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string - everything, absolutely everything! No phones, phones all broken. [mimics telephone] Hello? Anyone there? [normal] No, 'cause the phones aren't working!

Tosh: Please tell me you can stop this.

Jack: Going as fast as we can. If we don't, we won't feel a thing, we're all at the centre of the blast radius.

Tosh: [sullenly] That's comforting.

Jack: Come on! Have a little faith, with a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?

[silence]

Ianto: ...He is dashing, you have to give him that.

Owen: And what if they can't stop it?

Tosh: They'll stop it.

Owen: Yeah, but if they can't?

Ianto: Then it's... all over.

[pause]

Owen: Let's all have sex.

Ianto: [deadpan] And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.

To the Last Man [2.03]

Gwen: [about Tommy] He's a frozen soldier from 1918.

Jack: Nobody's perfect.

Tosh: So, what do you want to do now?

Tommy: Well... We could go back to mine, but there's only room for one and it's bloody freezing. [they both laugh]

Jack: [draws a line on a piece of paper] Linear time. [balls the piece of paper up] Screwed up time. Imagine your life is a straight line, from birth to death. Now, try drawing that line on the paper without straightening it out.

Gwen: It's impossible.

Jack: That's why we gotta stop it.

Owen: [about Tommy] You've fallen for him, haven't you?

Tosh: I can be myself with him. I don't have to pretend.

Owen: No, I understand. I, I didn't think you had some weird fetish for defrosted men. [both laugh] I just, um, don't want you to get hurt, that's all. If you have to say goodbye.

Jack: This time tomorrow he'll be back in 1918.

Ianto: In his own time. [pause] Would you go back to yours, if you could?

Jack: Why? Would you miss me?

Ianto: Yep.

Jack: ...I left home a long time ago. Don't really know where I really belong... Maybe that doesn't matter any more.

Ianto: [perches on the edge of Jack's desk] I... know you get lonely.

Jack: Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see... loved people I never would have known, if I'd just stayed where I was. [looks directly at Ianto] And I wouldn't change that for the world.

[Ianto stares at Jack for moment, then kisses him]

Meat [2.04]

Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?

Jack: Yeah.

Gwen: What was it like?

Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it.

Gwen: Rhys... The things I have seen... The times I have wanted to tell you...

Rhys: [half-disbelieving] ...Aliens? In Cardiff?!

Gwen: Have you never seen something so mad, so extraordinary... That just for one second, you think that there might be more out there?

Rhys: Prove it.

Owen: So the protein chains are regenerating, despite the mutilations. So not only is it replenishing its own flesh, but it's increasing it, giving them a brand new meat supply.

Gwen: It would last them for years, then.

Tosh: If we understood how worked, we could feed the world!

Ianto: [deadpan] We could release a single.

Rhys: Well, if you stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showin' off round the place-

Jack: [aside, to Ianto] Do I show off?

Ianto: Just a bit.

Rhys: -You'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy! So rather than "cock things up", I found you a way to get in! But if you can't handle that, big boy, then you can stuff it!

[Beat]

Jack: This is quite homoerotic.

Rhys: They're expecting me. You lot can hide in the back of the van-

Gwen: What is this, Scooby-Doo?! Absolutely no way is he getting involved!

Adam [2.05]

[Owen has just given Tosh a toy rodent]

Tosh: Just what I need, a small rodent looking me while I work. I think I'll call it Owen.

[team discusses the mysterious box]

Ianto: I think Jack brought it in.

Tosh: No, I'm sure Adam found it on an excavation a few months back.

Ianto: I'll have a look in the diary. I like to log the interesting stuff.

Tosh: You write about artifacts in your diary?

Ianto: Among other things. [winks]

Adam: And you always remember what you killed, don't you, Jack?

Jack: Our memories define us. Adam changed those memories, changed who we are. Now I have to help you all go back. Find a memory that defines you, rediscover who you are. If I'm wrong, he will still be here when we've done this. [turns off computer screen] Let me take you back to before we all met. [turns off lights] Feel around for anything that makes you what you are. The hidden and the forgotten. Tell me where you are.

Gwen: College canteen. Rhys is sitting opposite me telling stupid jokes.

[Flashback]

Rhys: Where do you find a tortoise with no legs? Where you left it!

[Present]

Owen: It's my birthday, ten. Mum spends the whole day screaming, "But I love you because you're my son but that doesn't mean I have to like you."

Tosh: Maths club. Something so reliable about maths. Always the right answer.

Ianto: Meeting Lisa. Falling in love. I never felt so alive.

Owen: Turned sixteen, she packs my bags. That is the nicest thing you've done for me in years mother.

Gwen: Kissing him in the supermarket. The look on his face.

Tosh: My first flat. I don't have a flat warming – there's no one I want to invite.

Ianto: Losing Lisa. Like the world had ended.

Gwen: The way he looks at me sometimes, as if he's scared of what he feels for me. I love him [turns to Jack] but not in the way I love you.

Jack: [to Gwen] Take this. [Gwen takes the retcon pill]

Tosh: Knowing there has to be more to life than this, knowing I'm special, waiting for someone to see it.

Jack: I saw it. [gives her a pill]

Owen: You save one life, a hundred lives but it's never enough. Who will save me?

Jack: I will. [gives him a pill]

Ianto: Coming here, it gave me meaning again. [Turns to Jack] You. [Jack kisses his forehead then gives him a pill]

Jack: [to everyone] You each have a short-term amnesia pill. It will make you forget Adam. We have to wipe out the last 48 hours from our memories. Go back to who we were.

[Ianto, Gwen and Owen take their pills]

Tosh: [Switches the screen on to look at Adam in his cell] I'm going to lose so much.

Jack: None of it was real.

Tosh: [crying] He loved me and I loved him. It's no different from real memories.

Jack: He forced it on you. You have to let it go

Tosh: [Takes her pill, then looks at the screen] Goodbye Adam.

Jack: Found your diary.

Ianto: Yep, been looking for that. [starts to walk away]

Jack: And for the record? [Ianto freezes] Measuring tapes never lie.

Ianto: [quietly] Fuck.

Reset [2.06]

Owen: So, you and Jack go back a long way?

Martha: Forward and back, really.

Owen: What brought you together?

Martha: Let's say... we were under the same Doctor.

Martha: I mean, Jack's right. These attacks are not random. They're clinical, professional. More like assassinations.

Gwen: Except Barry Leonard was a student. Who'd assassinate a student?

Martha: Student loans company?

Gwen: Yeah, yeah, I think you just cracked it.

[They both laugh.]

Jack: I'd rely on Martha if the world was ending. In fact... I did.

Martha: So, Jack asked me if I could get you a UNIT cap to wear.

Ianto: [surprised] Did he? Well, red is my colour.

Martha: So, am I right in thinking that you and he...

Ianto: We... dabble.

Martha: Yeah?

Ianto: Yeah.

Martha: So, what's his "dabbling" like?

Ianto: ...Innovative.

Martha: Really!

Ianto: Bordering on the avant-garde.

Martha: Wow!

Ianto: Oh yeah... [stares into space] Huh... [snaps out of it] So, should we get your cover story sorted?

Martha: [delighted] Absolutely!

Tosh: Ianto, what have you done with Billy Davis's body?

Ianto: Um, I was just about to dispose of it, why?

Tosh: I thought of a way we can use him to get us into the Pharm. [shows something on screen, smiling] Clever, huh?

Ianto: [gapes] Oh, you are warped on the inside. How do you think of these things?

Tosh: [pleased] I'll take that as a compliment.

Dead Man Walking [2.07]

Owen: [supposedly telling Martha what death is like] There was a light, a tiny speck of light and I was rushing towards it, like down a corridor, and it glowed brighter, and brighter, then suddenly there were these gates... these big, pearly gates and there was this old geezer and he said, "You've been a very naughty boy!"

Jack: "Only in suffering do we recognise beauty."

Owen: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who said that?

Jack: Proust.

Owen: You've read Proust?

Jack: Yeah. [pause] Well, no. We dated for a while. He was really immature.

Owen: You know, none of us know whether to take you seriously when you say those things. [chuckles]

Jack: [seriously] When you've lived as long as I have, you don't make any more up.

Jack: ...But then, forever's overrated.

Owen: Not from where I'm sitting.

Jack: If you've got forever, you don't notice the flecks in the concrete, or bother to touch the bricks. You send your friends into danger, knowing the stakes aren't the same for you, that you might get them killed — while you walk away unscathed.

Ianto: I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.

Owen: [talking to a child cancer patient] Jamie, you're scared, of course you are, the last lot of chemo didn't work and you can't bear the thought of going through all that pain again, I understand that mate, I really do. But let me tell you, that not everyone dies from this disease. And the ones with the best chance of making it are the ones who believe they can beat death. And sometimes, just sometimes, you can. So watch and learn, Jamie Burton.

Jamie: Watch what?

Owen: Watch me beat Death.

Tosh: [finally picking the lock on a door] Come on!

Owen: Okay, go, come on, Jamie, [to Tosh] take him!

Tosh: Owen? I am not leaving you to face that thing on your own!

Owen: I know what to do.

Tosh: We don't know what we're dealing with!

Owen: Tosh... [kisses Tosh] you are so going to hate me for this. [uses the lock-picking device to shut himself in the lobby]

Tosh: Owen! Owen, no, open the door! What the hell are you doing? Owen!

Owen:: [to Death] How long!? How long can you last here with only twelve victims? There's nothing here for you! Owen Harper's soul has left the building! There's nobody here but us dead men. [starts fighting Death to the protestations of his team] What else have you got? What else do you do to the dead? Is that all you've got? Is it?! [Death eventually fades away in a white light]

A Day in the Death [2.08]

Owen: [Opening narration] My name is Doctor Owen Harper, and this is my life. A life that is full of action. And violence. And work and wonder. Secrets. And sex. And love. And heartbreak. Death. My death. The death I survived. The death I am now living through. Except.... this isn't living. Every day is the same. I get up. Get ready for work. Same as everyone else. The thing is, I'm not the same. I get to work and everyone is doing the same old thing. Babbling away about aliens, weddings. I'm not real. Three days ago I died. And they think I'm fine. But they're wrong.

Owen: Yeah, I was brought back. Like Jesus really, but without the beard, you know. Shit, I'm never gonna have a beard. Not that I wanted one, you understand, but you know, one day I...

Maggie: Okay, okay, you're dead, and that's... that's clearly a bit shit, and I'm sorry and everything, but if, if you are dead, then why are you here? You can't be wanting to jump, you can't die twice!

Owen: Sorry, are you an expert?

Maggie: Sorry, are you an idiot?

Owen: Yeah, I'm a dead idiot.

Ianto: You okay?

Owen: [snidely] What do you think? I bet you're loving this, aren't you? It's like you've finally won.

Ianto: I didn't realize we were in a competition.

Owen: Oh, come on! Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to. And now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack, and I'm stuck here making the coffee!

Ianto: [defensively] It's not like that. Me and Jack.

Owen: Yeah, yeah... You and Jack. Gwen's getting married, Martha's got her bloke - God, even Tosh had Tommy! This is really shit!

Ianto: We've all gone through shit. I've seen you dissect alien corpses, I've seen you save so many lives. Are you really going to let this beat you?

Martha: There is no sign of any muscle decay. You're in great shape, as ever.

Owen: No use coming onto me, Jones. I'm a changed man.

Martha: And no stiffening anywhere?

Owen: Well...

Martha: Just answer the question.

Owen: We've been monitoring Parker for ages, nothing to be scared of, is there?

Ianto: [uncomfortable pause] Unlike, say... Tintin?

Owen: Okay, I never liked Tintin. [everyone smirks] What? He's weird! He's got a funny face. And his hair is just... it's horible.

Ianto: I always loved Tintin.

Owen: Yeah, well you would. And he never had a girlfriend, did he? Just the dog, so I reckon he was actually shagging the dog. [gives a grin. Ianto looks at him in disgust]

Gwen: Okay, meanwhile, back at Torchwood...

Something Borrowed [2.09]

Gwen: We are not postponing the wedding. No way.

Rhys: Forget the money, I want you where they can look after you, right? Getting married today doesn't matter.

Gwen: It matters to me!! It's not about the money, Rhys. I want to marry you. Today. Whatever happens. If the skies suddenly fill full of spaceships, or an army of Weevils climb out of the drains on St. Mary's Street, you fool! Do you not understand what I'm saying, Rhys Williams? All I want to do today is marry you. That's all I want to do.

Jack: What is it with you? Ever since Owen died, all you ever do is agree with him!

Ianto: I was brought up not to speak ill of the dead. Even if they do still do most of their talking for themselves.

Jack: [pointing gun at Brenda] Get back, you ugly bitch!

Rhys: The hell are you doing, that's my mother!

Jack: No! It's the alien!

Brenda Williams: I'm not an alien!

Jack: Oh, you're good, I'll give you that.

Brenda Williams: But I'm not!

Jack: Yeah, and the Lone Ranger didn't have a thing with Tonto.

Gwen: What will you do while I'm gone?

Jack: Ooh, the usual. Pizza. Ianto. [they laugh] Save the world a couple of times.

Ianto: That's what I love about Torchwood. By day, you're chasing the scum of the universe, come midnight you're the wedding fairy.

From Out of the Rain [2.10]

[as Gwen and Owen are about to leave the Electro]

Ianto: Wait! I just saw Jack.

Gwen: [surprised] Where?

Ianto: In the film!

[seeing Jack in an old film footage of a travelling show]

Owen: That is you! Right, now I've seen everything.

Ianto: [smugly] Told you so.

Gwen: You did stand-up?

Jack: I never did stand-up.

Gwen: Okay then, [fake American drawl] a song and dance.

Jack: I was sensational!

Tosh: I don't believe this, Jack, what were you doing there?

Owen: He's part of this freak show.

Jack: Ha, some things never change.

Owen: You being rude about me?

Jack: Ianto, with me. I need your local knowledge.

Gwen: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days?

Christina: Your eyes are older than your face.

Jack: Is that a bad thing?

Christina: Yes. It means you don't belong. It means you're from nowhere.

Adrift [2.11]

Gwen: Do you think I've changed?

Rhys: Eh?

Gwen: Since I joined Torchwood, am I different?

Rhys: Why?

Gwen: It's just something Andy said. Okay, let me just tell you this one thing, okay?

Rhys: Okay, go on.

Gwen: He still fancies me. [Rhys snickers] Don't laugh, Rhys. That's why he didn't come to the wedding.

Rhys: Bloody hell, poor sod.

Gwen: Oi! I'm a very sexy lady and you are a very lucky man. Just remember that, okay? [unzips jacket]

Rhys: We're not going to talk about kids tonight, are we?

Gwen: We could so some practising.

Gwen: Oh, wake up, Rhys! What's the point? We don't need to talk! It takes two seconds' thought! How are we supposed to have kids with my job? Torchwood does not do maternity leave - "Oh, I'm sorry, Jack, I'd love to help out with the aliens, but I can't get a babysitter", "No, no, no, I'll sort out that bomb once I've dropped Rhys Jr. off at nursery." Stop dancing around it, it's a dead question!

Rhys: You know, sometimes I fucking hate you! I mean, look at you. Caught up in your little group, like nothing else matters. Like being a hero is an end in itself - well, it's not! You save this city, well done. You save the world, whatever. What for?

Gwen: Sorry?

Rhys: I mean, why are you doing it? What are you trying to protect? What are you fighting for?

Gwen: Because if I don't--

Rhys: Shut up, I'm talking now, right? You do it so people can live their lives. And there's nothing more important than that. Falling in love, getting married, buying flats, having kids or not. But real life, that's what you're protecting. And if you're starting to think that your shit is more important than real life, then we're not going to last very long here, love.

[After walking in on Jack and Ianto in the hot house]

Gwen: Ianto, hi. I'm sorry. I didn't realize—

Ianto: Doesn't matter.

Gwen: And I wouldn't have come in if I'd known—

Jack: Always room for one more. We could have used you an hour ago for naked hide-and-seek.

Ianto: He cheats. He always cheats.

Andy: Listen, I was going to ask... promise me you won't laugh. Have you got any vacancies coming up? You know, with Torchwood? I was thinking, I'm great to work with... You know, you could tip 'em the wink?

Gwen: [hesitantly] Maybe, yeah.

Fragments [2.12]

Jack: Hey, when you joked about the Millennium Bug, I didn't realise it was gonna have 18 legs stacked with poison. Anyone home? Hey! You know you're supposed to party like it's... [stops and sees his dead crew, then a man] Alex?

Alex: Jack! Just in time.

Jack: Alex? What happened? Who did this?

Alex: Me.

Jack: What? Why?

Alex: We got it wrong, Jack. We thought we could control the stuff we found. And what's it brought us? So much death.

Jack: What happened to them?

Alex: It's good you're here. Always did have great timing. This place, it's yours. Torchwood Three. My gift to you, Jack, for a century of service as field operative. Fill this place with purpose. Before it's too late. Please.

Jack: Alex, listen. It's going to be okay.

Alex: No. It's not. It's really not. I looked inside. It showed me what's coming. They were mercy killings. It's the kindest thing I could do. So none of us see the storm. I'm sorry I can't do the same for you. 21st century, Jack. Everything's gonna change. And we're not ready. [points gun to forehead]

Jack: Alex! [gets splattered with blood]

Jack: [irritated] Okay, this has to stop!

Ianto: No, listen to me-

Jack: I don't have time for this! Look, I don't care what your problem is, I want you out of this city by sunrise! There is no place for you here/! Go back to London, find yourself another life! Keep stalking me, and I'll wipe your memory!

Ianto: No, but the thing is-

Jack: Look, any conversation between us, no matter what the subject, is over, finished, done, forever! I'm getting back behind the wheel of that car; if you're still standing in the road, I'm gonna drive thorough you! [walks away]

Ianto: So you're not gonna help me catch this pterodactyl, then? [Jack turns around]

[talking about the pterodactyl]

Jack: How'd you find it?

Ianto: Rift activity locator.

Jack: Torchwood London.

Ianto: See? Quality kit.

Jack: It's quite excitable!

Ianto: Must be your aftershave.

Jack: I never wear any.

Ianto: [surprised] You smell like that naturally?

Jack: Fifty first century pheromones.

Ianto: Huh.

Jack: You people have no idea! Ready for another go?

Ianto: I'm game if you are!

Owen: If you're not a figment of my imagination, then I don't know what's happening anymore. Maybe this is what a mental breakdown feels like.

Jack: You're fine. It's the rest of the world that's delusional.

John: Here's what's going to happen: everything you love, everything you treasure, will die. I'm gonna tear your world apart, Captain Jack Harkness, piece by piece. Starting now. Maybe now you'll want to spend some time with me.

Exit Wounds [2.13]

[Jack enters the Hub. "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" is playing in the background.]

John: Come on! Sing along! It's our song!

Jack: We don't have a song! And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song!

John: [deadpan] You're no fun!

Jack: What do you want?

John: I want you to know that I love you.

Jack: Funny way of showing it.

John: No, seriously. You have to understand. [turns around] I really do love you. [pulls out two submachine guns and shoots Jack repeatedly. John stands over his "corpse".] 'Cause this is gonna get nasty.

John: You took your time!

Gwen: On your knees!

John: [sigh] Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people!

Gwen: Now!

[Owen is trapped in a room and is about to be vaporised]

Owen: [hysterical] Tosh! Toshiko, I can't get out! Not like this! I'm not dying here! Get me out of here Tosh, get me out of here, I died once and I'm not doing it again! Where's Jack? Where's Gwen, Ianto, John?!? You wanna watch the dead man die again?!

Tosh: Owen, just stay calm.

Owen: Why should I do that? Where's the fun in that? I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion!

Tosh: [upset, quietly] Please stop.

Owen: Why? Give me good bloody reason why I should, one good reason why I shouldn't keep screaming!

Tosh: [crying] Because you're breaking my heart!

Owen: [calms down] Sorry.

Tosh: [still crying, harder] It's my fault.

Owen: No, no no, listen, no it isn't, don't you dare go there Tosh, I'm really sorry. [pause] What's gonna happen to me, Tosh?

Tosh: [whisper] I can't.

Owen: Please, okay, I need to know.

Tosh: [not crying but barely able to get the words out] The containment chamber will be flooded with irradiated coolant.

Owen: Ah, my body will slowly decompose, as I watch.

Tosh: [crying] I should have been able to stop it!

Owen: Sshh, come on Tosh, there's no way you could have anticipated that power spike, come on. Besides you've saved my back so many times in the past, right from the moment I joined.

Tosh: Your second week, I had to cover for you, pretend I was a medic because you were hung over and unreachable.

Owen: [weak laugh] What was it, space pig?

Tosh: Space pig.

Owen: We never did get that date did we, you and me? We sort of, uh, missed each other. Was my fault, didn't... didn't notice until it was too late, I'm sorry.

Tosh: [weakly, crying] Me too.

Owen: [alarms sound] It's starting.

Tosh: [whisper] Owen.

Owen: It's all right; really Tosh, it's all right. [last words] Oh god.

Tosh: [on video] Okay. So, if you're seeing this, I guess it means I'm, well, dead. Hope it was impressive! Not crossing the road or an 'incident' with a toaster. I just wanted to say, it's okay, it really is. Jack, you saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities. And I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you. And Owen. You never knew. I love you. All of you. And... I hope I did good.

Jack: Now we carry on.

Gwen: I don't think I can. Not after this.

Jack: You can. We all can. The end is where we start from.

Day One

Ianto: You're right, he's back.

Jack: [laughs] I said so.

Gwen: Who's back?

Jack: What's he doing?

Ianto: Waiting, just like you said. He's been there twenty minutes.

Jack: Persistent.

Ianto: Good sign.

Jack: Dogmatic.

Ianto: Always a plus.

Gwen: Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins! Now tell me who he is!

Ianto: Rupesh Patanjali, he saw the Hitchhiker. He's the bodies-going-missing man.

Jack: Dr. Patanjali. We need a doctor.

Gwen: What, and you just let him follow you?

Ianto: Ask about Torchwood and most people point towards the Bay.

Gwen: Oh. [Jack and Ianto grin, she laughs] You bastards. That’s exactly what you did to me the first time we met. Well, sod that! I'm promoting myself to recruitment officer.

Jack: We need a child. 'Cause we need to test those frequencies. Find the right frequency, and we can find out who's transmitting.

Ianto: Where'd you get a child, though? I could find you lasers and weevils and hitchhikers, but kids...

Alice: It said on the news that we should send them back to school tomorrow. Do you think it's safe?

Jack: I don't know any more than you.

Alice: Oh, come on.

Jack: I don't! [pause] Any word from Joe?

Alice: In Italy. With her. He finally got married. But he phones every now and then and sends Steven postcards, remembers his birthday... There are worse fathers.

Jack: How are you off for money?

Alice: Don't worry about that, you give me enough. [pause] Kind of easy writing cheques, huh?

Jack: Alice, you're the one who asked me to stay away. I'd come round here every week if you wanted me to, every day.

Alice: Yeah... I just can't stand it, Dad. I look older than you do, and it's never going to stop. I get older and older, and you stay the same. One day, you're going to be standing at my funeral - Looking just like you did when you were standing at Mum's. No wonder she was so furious; you make us feel old.

Jack: [beat] Actually, I found a grey hair.

Alice: [laughs] Oh! Well, that is the end of the world!

Rhiannon: Susan on the corner was in town, and it was her anniversary, so they went to that posh French place in town by the memorial, and there was you.

Ianto: So...

Rhiannon: There was you having dinner with a man.

Ianto: So?

Rhiannon: Having dinner with a man... in a restaurant.

Ianto: So you have dinner with Tina.

Rhiannon: Not in town. Susan said he was gorgeous. Like a film star. Like an escort.

Ianto: He's my boss.

Rhiannon: She said it was intimate. I said well he's had girlfriends, and she said, well no girl was getting her feet around that table. No chance! Have you gone bender?

Ianto: [looks at Mica, uncomfortable] Mica's hearing this.

Rhiannon: She's not bothered. Her friend Shan's got two mothers. [pauses] Go on? [longer pause] You never tell me anything these days. Dad died, that was it. You were off, you couldn't wait. Like I did something wrong. I didn't. Did I?

Ianto: [shaking his head] It's not that. It's my job. It's... difficult. It's... [hesitates] He is very handsome.

Rhiannon: No!

Ianto: Now stop it.

Rhiannon: You're kidding me? Really though? Really? Christ all mighty! [pause] He's nice though, is he? Is he? Oh my... I mean, since when?

Ianto: It's weird. It's just different. It's not... men, it's... it's just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is really, so... so I'm not broadcasting it.

[Jack finds out Gwen is pregnant]

Jack: How long?

Gwen: Three weeks. [both look at the screen]

Jack: That's good, isn't it? [Gwen looks at him] From where I'm standing it... looks good to me.

Gwen: Yeah... bloody hell. It's brilliant!

Jack: [grins] Ianto! We're having a baby. [Ianto comes over, looking surprised and delighted. To Gwen;] You told Rhys?

Gwen: Only just found out myself.

Jack: Oh, you told me before you told him- he is gonna love that! [Gwen laughs weakly]

Ianto: Congratulations. [pause] Would now be a good time to tell you I lost the car?

Jack: You did what?!

Gwen: [hadn't paid attention] That is just bloody spectacular!

Day Two

Andy: If she's anti-terrorist, I would not mind being Uncle Terrorist.

Gwen: Are you sure he's going to London?

Rhys: I don't question how you defend the world against extraterrestrial infiltration - don't you question my knowledge of the hauling industry, right?

Gwen: Sorry.

[while travelling to London, in a truck, on top of a cargo of potatoes]

Gwen: You know some announcements you rehearse in your head? This wasn't quite what I had in mind.

Rhys: What do you mean, "announcements"? [Gwen looks at him and smiles. Rhys looks confused, but then grins delightedly] Oh, God, no! bloody hell no!

Gwen: Yes.

Rhys: Oh, bloody hell no!

Gwen: Yes! [laughs]

Rhys: Oh! Come here! Oh my God! I don't believe it. [concerned] Hang on, the bomb, the guns, the car chase, the hiding from the law. What are you doing in your condition!

Gwen: I'm only carrying my bag.

Rhys: Gwen, I'm serious. This changes everything.

Gwen: No. No, it doesn't. We're up the same creek and we still need a paddle.

Rhys: Yeah! But three of us in a boat.

Ianto: You worked out my little code, then.

Rhiannon: Dad didn't break your leg on purpose, you know.

Ianto: He pushed me too hard. He always did.

Rhiannon: Well, you should've held on tighter.

Rhiannon: What sort of civil servant are you?

Ianto: Unappreciated ones.

Day Three

Gwen: So, what do we do? Just sit here?

Jack: Worse than that, do I have to stay in these clothes? I mean, come on! Tracksuit bottoms? Not a good look!

Ianto: What did it feel like? I mean, getting blown up?

Jack: It wasn't the best of days.

Ianto: No, but... Did you feel it? Or did everything just go black?

Jack: I felt it.

Ianto: Shit!

Jack: Yeah.

Ianto: Do you ever think that one day your luck'll run out? That you won't come back?

Jack: I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says. I think that means it's forever.

Ianto: So, one day you'll see me die... of old age... and just keep going?

Jack: Yeah...

Ianto: We'd better make the most of it then.

Jack: Suppose.

Ianto: [slyly] Like... right now?

Jack: [pauses, then grins] Ianto, the world could be ending.

Ianto: World's always ending. And I have missed that coat.

Jack: [grins, and turns to Rhys] Rhys, do you want to take the car down to those shops by the Wharf? We need some discs for these things. Should take about twenty minutes.

Ianto: Thirty minutes.

Jack: [quickly] Thirty!

Rhys: I'll go later; the beans are almost done.

Jack: [disappointed] Beans are almost done.

Ianto: Bloody beans.

Clem: And who's the queer?

Ianto: Oi! [beat] It's not 1965 anymore.

Clem: He's queer. I can smell it.

Rhys: Took me a while to get used to those things [the filming contacts].

Ianto: [shoots Rhys a questioning glance] What? You've used the lenses?

Rhys: Yeah. That's why Gwen had 'em.

Gwen: I only took them home for a bit of fun.

Ianto: Fun?

Gwen: Yeah.

Rhys: You know, fun?

Ianto: [realising] Yeah, well, been there done that.

Day Four

Johnson: [about Steven] He doesn't know Harkness is his grandfather?

Alice: No.

Johnson: I suppose it would take some explaining, why Mum looks older than Granddad...

Alice: I can only assume that you're holding me here as insurance against my father. But let me warn you; if you've angered him, then God help you.

Johnson: This from the woman who's spent her life running away from him.

Alice: And why d'you think I did that? A man who can't die has got nothing to fear. So you watch it. And you keep watching.

Ianto: This must've been eating away at you. [Jack is silent] Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped.

Jack: [shakes his head] No, you couldn't.

Ianto: I tell you everything.

Jack: [turns around] Ianto, tell me; what should I have done?

Ianto: Stood up to them. The Jack I know would've stood up to them. [sadly] I've only just scraped the surface, haven't I?

Jack: Ianto, that's all there is.

Ianto: No. You pretend that's all there is.

Jack: There's a saying here on Earth. A very old, very wise friend of mine taught me it; An injury to one is an injury to all. And when people act according to the philosophy, the human race is the finest species in the universe.

Ianto: Never mind the philosophy. What he's saying is, you're not getting one solitary, single child. The deal is off.

Jack: Uh, I like the philosophy.

Ianto: I gathered.

456: This is fascinating, isn't it? The human infant mortality rate is 29,158 deaths per day. Every three seconds a child dies. The human response is to accept and adapt.

Jack: We're adapting right now, and we're making this a war.

456: Then the fight begins.

Jack: We're waiting for your reply.

456: Action has been taken.

[Alarms go off, and the building goes into lockdown]

Jack: What have you done?

456: You wanted a demonstration of war. The virus has been released. It will kill everyone in the building.

Ianto: [holds up gun] If there's a virus, there must be an anti-virus. Release it now, or I'll blow a hole in that tank, and we'll all die together.

Jack: [joins Ianto, holds up his gun at the tank] You've made your point, now stop this and we can talk!

456: You are dying. Even now.

[Jack and Ianto shoot at the tank, screaming noise is heard]

Jack: What's that noise? What's it doing? [...] [to Ianto] We need to get you out of here. I can survive anything, but you can't!

Ianto: It's too late. I've breathed the air.

Jack: [horrified] There's gotta be something, there's gotta be an antidote!

456: You said you would fight.

Jack: [desperate] Then I take it back, all right?! I take it all back, but not him! [Ianto falls to the ground, and is caught by Jack] No! No, no, no, no, no. Ianto? No, no, no...

Jack: It's all my fault.

Ianto: No it's not...

Jack: Don't speak, save your breath.

Ianto: [crying] I love you.

Jack: [shakes his head, brokenly] Don't. [Ianto closes his eyes] Ianto? Ianto? Ianto, stay with me. Ianto, stay with me, please. [shakes him, crying] Stay with me! Stay with me, please! Please!

Ianto: [looks up at Jack] Hey. It was... Good, yeah?

Jack: Yeah.

Ianto: Don't forget me.

Jack: [shakes head] Never could.

Ianto: A thousand years time... you won't remember me.

Jack: Yes I will. I promise, I will. [Ianto begins to gasp for breath, then closes his eyes - he is dead] Ianto? Ianto? Don't go, don't leave me, please. Please, don't--

456: You will die. And tomorrow, your people will deliver the children.

[Jack, with tears running down his face clutches Ianto’s body. He places a gentle kiss on Ianto’s lips and falls beside him.]

Day Five

Gwen: There's one thing I always meant to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world; except sometimes he doesn't. All those times in history when there was no sign of him. I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now: Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone ever finds it, so you can see. You can see how the world ended.

Gwen: The threat still stands.

Frobisher: Haven't we gone past that?

Gwen: My husband is still out there with everything you've done recorded on his laptop. One word from me, and he will release that information to the public.

Frobisher: What do you think Torchwood is now? Do you think you're still players?

Gwen: We can try.

Frobisher: We're at a tipping point right now. Civilisations about to fall into hell. You want to start that descent a little earlier? Go ahead.

Jack: He's right. Look what happened. Phone Rhys... tell him we've lost.

Andy: Everyone's on stand-by. It's red alert, riot gear and everything, all ready to mobilize, except no one's saying why. What's going on?

Gwen: I can't tell you.

Andy: I am the police!

Gwen: Right now, I need you to drive this car, and if I told you...

Andy: What? Well c'mon then, what? [Gwen doesn't answer] Don't you bloody hate people who don't finish their sentences?

Rhys: Hey, she's pregnant.

Gwen: Oh, thank you. Who's "she" when she's at home?

Andy: [surprised] Bloody hell fire! Who's the father?

Rhys: Oh, I'm slapping you, yet!

Gwen: It's Torchwood. That's what did it. They give you Retcon and chemicals and radiation and god knows what. The bloody Pill didn't stand a chance. That's what Torchwood does, you see... it ruins your life.

Rhys: How is it ruined?

Gwen: You want to have kids in a world like this, Rhys?

Rhys: You're not getting rid of it!

Gwen: Is that right?

Johnson: [about Steven] He'll be fine. The nice kids are safe. If you're gonna get rid of ten percent, then take the ten percent you don't want. All those kids on street corners, we've finally got rid of them.

Alice: While everyone else just stays indoors. Ninety percent just hugging their kids, not making a sound, just like they did before.... I don't even know your name.

Johnson: I protect the state. [pause] I was brought up to believe in and protect the state.

Alice: Not much good now, are you? Even if ninety percent look the other way, what sort of world are you leaving behind? I swear to you: if your duty is to protect the state above and beyond any other authority, then the one person you need right now is Jack Harkness.

Gwen: Couldn't have just chosen a pub, could you?

Rhys: It's bloody freezing! My feet!

Jack: I missed that. The Welsh complaining. [to Gwen] You look good.

Gwen: I look huge.

Rhys: [proudly] She's bloody gorgeous.

[Gwen laughs. Jack manages to smile]

Gwen: You okay?

Jack: Yeah.

Gwen: Did it work?

Jack: Travelled all sorts of places. This planet is too small. The whole world is like a graveyard.

Gwen: Come back with us.

Jack: [shakes his head] Haven't travelled far enough, yet. Got a lot of dirt to shake off my shoes. [looks up at the sky] And right now, there's a cold fusion cruiser surfing the ion reefs just at the edge of the solar system, just waiting to open its transport dock. [looks at Gwen] I just need to send a signal.

[Gwen holds up a finger, and takes Jack's Vortex Manipulator out of her jacket pocket]

Gwen They found it in the wreckage. Indestructible. [hands it to Jack] Like its owner. [Jack puts it on] I, uh, put on a new strap for you.

Rhys: Cost me fifty quid, that.

Jack: Bill me.

Gwen: Are you ever coming back, Jack?

Jack: What for?

Gwen: [tearfully] Me. It wasn't your fault.

Jack: I think it was.

Gwen: [shakes her head] No.

Jack: Steven. And Ianto. And Owen, and Tosh, and Suzie, and... All of them. Because of me. [looks away]

Gwen: But you, you saved us. Didn't you?

Jack: I began to like it. And look what I became. Still, I have lived so many lives. It's time to find another one.

[Jack takes a step back and presses a button on his Vortex Manipulator]

Gwen: [crying] They died, and I am sorry, Jack... but you cannot just run away. You cannot run away!

[a light surrounds Jack]

Jack: Oh yes, I can. Just watch me.

[Jack disappears from Earth]

The New World [4.01]

Oswald: When are you gonna let me go?

Peterssen: Well, I don't think that's possible.

Oswald: I've served my sentence.

Peterssen: Granted, the execution was... flawed, but that doesn't defer the sentence. With respect, you don't reprieve a man you failed to hang because the rope snapped.

Danes: Indeed, and with respect, that particular aphorism applies only for an execution which has failed.

Peterssen: And that's you.

Oswald: On the contrary, I would maintain, and my lawyers would maintain, my sentence was carried out successfully. Nothing went wrong, absolutely nothing. The fact that life and the laws of life on this Earth have changed is hardly my fault.

Peterssen: Society is full of out-there laws, Mr. Danes. Nonetheless, they still apply.

Oswald: That's right, Mr. Peterssen. And when considering the persistence of the law, then the Eighth Amendment clearly forbids the application of cruel and unusual punishment, such as mine, alongside the Fifth Amendment, and I quote, "nor shall any person be subject for the same offence twice". The Founding Fathers practically had me in mind when they wrote the Constitution.

Esther: Torchwood, that wasn't a virus. It's gotta be some sort of malware.

Noah: It's like nothing I've ever seen. The word "Torchwood" has vanished. It's been eradicated. If you search for "Torchwood," you get no results. Nothing gets no results.

Esther: There's gotta be something on paper.

Noah: Shelves are buried. It's all gone. I asked Yvonne. She said it was classified under the 456 regulations. She said you want to stay away.

Esther: Why?

Noah: They all died. So the story goes, anyone that worked for Torchwood was killed in action. And they died young.

Vera: The metal missed the spine, but the pericardium was lacerated and a coronary artery was crushed and thrombosed. That's the one in your leg. I had to transplant a section of vein from your thigh.

Rex: But how did I survive?

Vera: I don't know. But even when your heart stopped beating, the process continued. The process of life, the viability of the flesh, the transfer of oxygen. It just didn't stop.

Rex: But do I get better? Do I heal? Or do I just hurt for the rest of my life? Because if this thing keeps going, the rest of my life is forever, right?

Vera: Rex, now listen to me. Because you might want to take something under consideration. That maybe you were lucky. You should've died last night, but when this thing happened, the miracle, it gave me time to fix you. Without the miracle, you'd be dead.

Rex: It's like someone cast a spell over the whole world. But what happens when it stops, huh? What happens to me then? Do I die?

Esther: That man-

Jack: He was after me, not you.

Esther Why? Why would he want you dead?

Jack: On the very day that no one's dying? Wish I knew. And what got you so involved?

Esther: I'm not even authorized for this, but this friend of mine, I was telling him about Torchwood and he crashed his car while I was talking to him. And I can't help but thinking that it's all my fault.

Jack: I know the feeling.

Esther: So what is Torchwood?

Jack: Torchwood no longer exists.

Esther: Then what was it? Because there were photos in that file of a man who looked just like you, but it said 1939, then 1925. Is he your father?

Jack: I suppose it must be. [grimaces]

Esther: Are you all right?

Jack: Yeah. I hurt my arm.

Esther: Considering what we just went through, I would say that was a miracle.

Jack: Yeah, another one. The Torchwood Institute was set up by the British Royal Family in 1879 to defend the realm of Great Britain by investigating the unusual, the strange. And the alien.

Esther: I'm kind of guessing alien doesn't mean foreign.

Jack: Alien. As in extraterrestrial.

Esther: Oh, my God.

Jack: This whole situation worldwide, that's exactly the kind of thing we used to investigate.

Esther: Torchwood, they said that people died, but there was that other photo. Gwen Cooper. There was no date of death.

Jack: She's still alive. The last one left. And I'm gonna keep her safe, which means making sure that the Institute stays dead and buried.

Esther: So that first email last night, the one that just said Torchwood? [takes a drink of water]

Jack: Wasn't me. God knows who it was. But that was enough to call me back, and I got to work releasing the malware, destroying hard copies, removing all traces of the word, using Retcon.

Esther: What's Retcon?

Jack: It's a smart drug. Selective amnesia.

Esther: [realising] No.

Jack: You won't remember a thing. [catches Esther as she passes out] Nice to meet you, Esther.

Gwen: Look, intensive care overflow. They've got twelve beds with seventeen patients already. What's gonna happen tomorrow? And the day after that? And the day after that? And the day-

Rhys: Listen, now. Every time you investigate something, you end up in danger, Gwen.

Gwen: Because I can help.

Rhys: Don't you dare.

Gwen: So you just-

Rhys: I said don't you dare! Have you got that? Don't you bloody dare, Gwen! See, the thing is, right, if you think Miracle Day is like a Torchwood case, others are going to think the same, aren't they? They're gonna come looking for you with guns like they did the old days.

Gwen: I suppose, yeah.

Rhys: We shouldn't even be in the city. There are cameras everywhere, man. And it's different now. You've got a daughter, and you can't go putting her into danger. That is why we live in the back of beyond, to keep her safe. We've got to go back.

Gwen: My dad is sick.

Rhys: Oh, think about it! People aren't dying. He's gonna survive.

Gwen: Shush, now. Shush.

Rhys: Think about Anwen. Maybe our daughter's going to live forever.

Gwen: Don't, okay? Don't make her part of this this thing, okay? Don't. Do you think she could?

Rhys: Possible, yeah. See, maybe you should let this happen for once.

Jack: I cut my arm.

Gwen: Okay. Can't help but thinking there's more important things to be worrying about here.

Jack: No. I cut my arm. Look at it. It's not healing.

Gwen: Do you mean...

Jack: I'm staying hurt.

Gwen: Oh, my God.

Jack: I know.

Gwen: Seriously, though!

Rhys: It's only a cut.

Gwen: But it's Jack. Don't you see? The whole world becomes immortal...

Jack: ...And I mortal. I don't mend. I'm normal again. I'm plain old human.

Rex: You're what?

Jack: Doesn't concern you.

Rendition [4.02]

Gwen: This thing that's happening to the world, this miracle, it must have something to do with you.

Jack: Great, so it's my fault?

Gwen: Can't be a coincidence, Jack.

Rhys: Of course it's not a coincidence. Doesn't mean to say it's his fault.

Jack: Rhys, are you defending me?

Rhys: It's like we all got switched, isn't it? Nothing to do with Jack if the wires got crossed. Everything mortal becomes immortal, so everything immortal becomes mortal. See? I can be useful.

Rex: Dr. Juarez? It's your favourite patient here, and you have something that I want.

Vera: You sound like my ex-husband.

Rex: So, does he call wanting drugs and sex?

Vera: Yes.

Rex: Good man, but for now, I'll just settle for the drugs.

Jilly: There's a good reason the churches are empty. People don't want to hear about Heaven. They'd rather hear from the man who has gazed into Hell itself, and that's you. Frankly I think if the Devil himself were to walk this earth, he'd need representation.

Oswald: If the Devil himself walked this earth, he'd surely be working in PR.

Gwen: Looking a little bit worried there, Rex, like this might all be your fault. You put us on this plane. There's no orange tube.

Rex: Is there something between you two?

Gwen: What?

Rex: You and World War Two.

Gwen: I'm married with a baby.

Rex: Yeah, married, baby, whatever. You two argue like people who are real close.

Gwen: Yeah, well, did you have a thing with your poisoner friend over there?

Rex: Yeah, we did.

Gwen: Oh, you did?

Rex: But we got on each other's nerves.

Gwen: Really? Can't imagine.

[after seeing Lyn's body with her head twisted around 180 degrees]

Esther: What was that? Was that Lyn? What the hell is going on?

Gwen: Welcome to Torchwood.

Dead of Night [4.03]

Gwen: This lemonade. This lemonade's flat.

Esther: It's lemonade. It's supposed to be flat.

Gwen: What? Fizzy, fizzy lemonade?

Esther: It's fizzy in the UK and flat in the US.

Gwen: Hmm...Just about sums it up.

Jack: It's like there's some sort of energy behind this. A will, a drive, a consciousness, because this miracle, it's more than people just surviving. They are so alive. You saw Lyn, that woman at the airport. She should have been paralysed but she just kept on going. And I've seen bodies at the morgue, burnt and broken, still alive, staring right at me. They weren't even allowed to be unconscious. It's as if something is willing them to go on, each and every individual forced into life.

Rex: That was me. All the way through my accident, wide awake.

Gwen: And you could feel everything that happened? It still hurt?

Rex: Yeah.

Esther: So what did the search say?

Jack: Well, that's the problem. Everybody's had the same idea. Morphic field gets ten million results.

Esther: Then I'll go through them, all ten million. [to Rex, pointedly] See, that's what I do when I'm at my desk. Hard work.

Rex: [softly] I know.

Esther: He cockblocked the ATF.

Gwen: [laughs] I have no idea what any of that means.

Esther: The ATF's the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. They asked the CIA about information on a warehouse here in Washington, but Friedkin forwarded the request onto ancillary three times.

Gwen: What's ancillary?

Rex: It's a paper chase. It's a guaranteed way to lose something in the system.

Esther: So if he tried to stop people from seeing the warehouse, then maybe he was paid to protect it, which would indicate there's something in there. It's at Third and Boston, south west.

Rex: All right, so we've got a mission. First thing we need to do is steal a new car.

Jack: Ahem. So, who's giving the orders?

Rex: Okay, Torchwood, what do you say?

Jack: We need to steal a new car. [grins]

Jack: I was thinking. About how you're immortal. And I'm dying. And what I wanted to say was... we're good aren't we? You and I? Good team. I missed you.

Gwen: I was thinking that... If this had happened a bit sooner...

Jack: I know.

Gwen: ...He'd still be here. Ianto.

Jack: Dead friends.

Gwen: I'm sorry.

Jack: I wish he was here now. Not much of a team, is it? But we've still got each other. You and me. Just like the old days.

Jack: I saw you on television, saying you feel forgiven for taking the life of a child. That's a lie. I know that's a lie.

Oswald: How do you know that, Jack, with such certainty—

Jack: Tell the truth! The murder of Susie Cabina. You don't feel sorry at all.

Oswald: The truth is, she flaunted it. Her innocence. Most people, they get hit, whatever - it's hours before the bruises rise up. But they showed right away with her, and it was like... I was painting on her. And she looked so beautiful, I thought it couldn't get any better than that, but... oh, Jack, I swear to you... right then, at the end, I felt her life leave, and she left through me. You know that feeling? I think you do. And I relive it, every single night, because that was the best moment of my life.

Jack: Now I understand. You're doing all this because you're searching for one thing. One simple thing. Execution. We're without death, so you get to live. And it's killing you.

Oswald: I'm asking you now to join with me, in this enterprise, as we all walk across the fragile skin of this wide world together. The future is now endless. And it's terrifying, I'm offering you my hand to walk on this long journey. Together. Walk with me. That's all I ask. Walk with me.

Escape to L.A. [4.04]

Esther: I'm leaving town. I've got to go today.

Sarah: Don't go to Boston. There's cholera in Boston, they said on the news. Don't go to Philly either. Dysentery. New York's got typhus and hemorrhagic fever.

Esther: Sarah, that's just what they're saying online. It's not that bad.

Sarah: But we've changed. All of us, didn't we? Something in the air infected us. It made us godless.

Esther: Let me in. Let me see the girls.

Sarah: I'm not letting them out. They can't come outside. I won't let them.

Vera: Can't get rid of you can I, dead man walking?

Rex: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you something; What is this Dead is Dead shit? I've seen posters all over the place.

Vera: It's the latest campaign. As if Oswald Danes wasn't bad enough, this one is led by Ellis Hartley Monroe - One of those small-town mayors trying to make a name for herself. Where are you?

Rex: Sorry, Doc, no can say. But if I wanted to know where I could get prescription drugs in Los Angeles, no questions asked, then you could make your own conclusions.

Vera: And that's the only reason you called me?

Rex: Well, you are the doctor.

Vera: What are you doing in LA?

Rex: I never said I was in LA.

Vera: Well, it might surprise you to learn that I haven't got my own private network of drug runners on the West Coast.

Rex: Come on, Vera. You'll find a way. I've seen what you can do with the doctor patient relationship, and the Hippocratic oath, it doesn't cover it.

Vera: Ellis Hartley Monroe started the Dead is Dead campaign, and do you know why? She thinks we should treat people who should have died as if they're already dead. And right now, I think she's got a point. I'm busy. Thank you, Rex.

Rex: [grins] You are so gonna call me back.

Vera: I am so not.

Jack: Our greatest problem is that what's happened to the world is invisible. Quite by chance Oswald's found himself right at the heart of it. George Elliot wrote this chapter in Middlemarch. She said that if you take a piece of metal with random scratches all over it and hold a flame up to the metal, the scratches look like they're forming patterns. Circling around the light. And that Oswald. He's blazin' away. The patterns are starting to revolve around him. And all we have to do is keep watching.

Oswald: How much do you know about our masters at Phicorp? Because I did a little searching of my own last night. It's been a long long time since I was allowed online, so...I tried to find out who's above Phicorp. Who owns them. But the strangest thing happened. The information just scattered away. All sorts of names and tangents and diversions, but nothing tangible. And that's when I recognized the pattern. Because I've had a lot of experience perfecting how to hide myself online. And suddenly, I'm looking at someone else doing the same. But on a massive scale. Worldwide. I wonder why.

The Cousin: Mrs. Monroe. We'd like to apologize. We're really very sorry about this. Indeed we'd like to imagine if time and tides had flown in a different way, we could have almost been friends. I hope that's some consolation. At the end. Truth of it is, we liked your message, Mrs. Monroe. We liked your style. But we already have Oswald Danes. We don't need another. And certain aspects of your strategy were revealing our hand just a little too soon. And we have been planning this so carefully for such a long time. Because we are everywhere. We are always. We are no one. And soon, the families will rise.

The Categories of Life [4.05]

Gwen: So listen, Category One is bad, yes?

Vera: Yeah. That's people with no brain function or anyone who would normally have died. They're now officially Category One.

Jack: Ordinary people are Category Three.

Vera: Right. That's people with no injuries, nothing. They're fine. Then, Category Two is everyone in-between; People who are alive and functioning with an illness or injury that's gonna persist, but not kill.

Rex: Like me.

Vera: Yes, like you.

Rex: Wait a minute, when I got hurt, I should have died. I was Category One... But now I'm healing, so I'm Category Two... So which one am I?

Vera: Well, that's the point - People don't fit categories.

Jack: Worse than that, this process has given the United Nations a definition for life, which is therefore a definition of death. The government now has the power to decide whether you're dead or alive. No one should have that much control.

Jack: He's on his way.

Vera: Right, I'm gonna follow. I phoned Washington and pulled a few strings; I've got observer status.

Jack: No, no, no! Wait a minute, that's why we sent Rex!

Vera: I am not a member of Torchwood, so you can't give me instructions. And I need to see that place for myself. I was on the panels, Jack. I helped set these things up.

Esther: Any trouble, I can help get her out.

Jack: ...Okay. I'm going with you. I don't know, I could be your... assistant.

Esther: We told you, not a chance. That assassin said that you're too connected. And besides, you're too fragile, Mortal Man. [she kisses him on the cheek]

Jack: [sulky] All I get is a kiss?

Esther: You look after yourself. You're unique; You're Category Jack. So, don't you go getting into trouble.

Oswald: Jack Harkness. I could accuse you of having an obsession with me.

Jack: What happens after this, Oswald? When the fever dies down and the world wakes up to the fact that a murderer's standing center stage? Somewhere out there, those men are waiting for you in the dark.

Jack: End the miracle. And you can die. You're cursed with intelligence. Clever enough to know who you are. And wise enough to want it to end. You help me and I promise I will help you to die.

Vera: I want to see inside.

Colin: It’s just storage.

Vera: Every time I want to see anything, you turn me away. I’m here to inspect, so I am doing my job! [walks into a room full of abandoned patients] Storage... This is storage...

Colin: It’s a tempory measure. We don’t have the staff, the money or the room.

Vera: Oh my god... who are these people?!

Colin: They’re the ones without insurance.

Vera: Where are the nurses? Have they even been fed?! [to a patient] Excuse me... I’m sorry... But how long have you been here?

Category Two Patient: Yesterday... They said we had to wait...

Colin: These people are just pending... A glitch in the system.

Category One Patient: Please... Help me.

Vera: Holy shit! He’s wearing red! He’s got a red peg! But he can’t be, he’s conscious!

Colin: So we made a mistake. Hundreds of patients, one mistake. That’s an excellent hit rate!

Vera: But you made him Category One! He’s not One, he’s nowhere near One! Don’t you realise what happens when you make somebody One?!

Colin: I think we should just step outside, we’re disturbing the patients.

Vera: What else are you hiding? [walks into the next room] This place is stinking!

Colin: America is in crisis! Someone has to take charge, and in this case, it’s me!

Vera: So you think you’re doing a good job?!

Colin: I’m under budget!

Vera: You’re supposed to spend the money-! Oh, for God’s sake, that’s why this system is never going to work, because it’s always run by men like you!

Colin: So, what are you going to do, report me?!

Vera: I’m going do more than that! I’m going to have you prosecuted…

Colin: Oh, you’re so full of it!

Vera: You’re going to be prosecuted for causing harm to these people in your care, and you will be guilty as charged. I guarantee you’re going to jail, you stupid little man. I’m going see you inside a prison cell, you little coward.

Oswald: The truth is I know what I am. I know what you are, too. Yes, I do. Each and every one of you. Because I know for certain what has happened to the human race. I know, because this has happened before. 50,000 years BC. What's called the Great Leap Forward. Human beings, suddenly, we started to bury our dead. We created art and money. And love. They loved. They learned to love. We made a leap from animal to human. And now, right now, in our very own lifetimes, it has happened again. The next Great Leap. We have made it from animal to human to what? This is the question. After Miracle Day, what are we now? I know. This is something I know. Because I am the man who has lost Heaven forever. So I can feel the truth of it. I'm telling you, man has risen again! Now, he has a new name. And his name is... Angel. Angel... Angel... We are angels. We have been helped. We have been purified. We have been given life unending. We are the first angels on Earth. And I promise you this: there are even those who have been planning for this. The agents of angels in this brand new world. I'm telling you right now, they stand amongst us. Yes! For this is my Revelation!

The Middle Men [4.06]

Rex: My name is Rex Matheson. I'm with the CIA. I'm on an operation inside the San Pedro Overflow. No, strike that. I'm not with the CIA. Or a US government authority. I'm with Torchwood. And we're gonna expose everything that's going on here. Everything that I've just witnessed. [takes painkillers] They're calling them Category One's, and from what I've seen, don't ever let them call you that. The minute you hear "Category One," you better get the hell out of Dodge. Because they are going to burn you. That's what this place is for. Incineration. And we all know the drill. They'll start with the category ones. The ones who can't protest. Then they'll go on to convicted felons or illegal immigrants—hell, anyone we just don't like. Because everybody gets sick. Which means one day everybody ends up here. Those ovens are waiting for all of us. But I will tell you one thing: I'm gonna find the bastard that killed Vera. Oh, yeah, and I'm gonna burn his ass.

Jack: The truth.

Stewart: About what?

Jack: The Miracle. How was it done? Why was it done? How can it be undone?

Stewart: Why would I have the answer?

Jack: When the day came, PhiCorp was ready. We found warehouses stocked with painkillers waiting for the Miracle to come along.

Stewart: That's your smoking gun?

Jack: You're a man in charge. You knew it was coming.

Stewart: Mister...?

Jack: Harkness. Captain Jack Harkness.

Stewart: Are you with the military?

Jack: Freelance. I represent the people who are trying to stop PhiCorp.

Stewart: So that security breach on the thirty third floor?

Jack: That was us.

Stewart: It's not me you're after. In fact I've been trying to find out the truth just as much as you. I'm not a bad man, Mr. Harkness.

Jack: Captain.

Stewart: I'm not a bad man, Captain. I'm not a good one either. I'm a middle man in every sense of the word. And faced with the thought of being who I am for God knows how long, I'm just as keen as you to find out exactly what's going on. Especially with the stock market threatening to collapse, a man like me needs insurance. You don't believe me. You think I'm the epitome of evil, the devil in a three piece suit.

Jack: In my experience, that's how it works.

Stewart: You're experience must be rather simple. You have a rather archaic view of good versus evil, don't you?

Jack: Tell me who's behind this.

Stewart: I've been trying to find out. I've sent agents all over the world following the paper trail, the backroom deals, the holding companies within holding companies. That's when I came face to face with the true face of evil.

Jack: The system itself.

Stewart: Precisely. If the schemes and conspiracies are being plotted, then they must be seen only as patterns, waves, shifts that are either too small or too vast to be perceived. Someone is playing the system right across planet Earth with infinite grace, beyond any one person's sight. No, I'm sorry, Captain, but PhiCorp isn't controlling this. Profiting, yes, but this is part of a much larger design way beyond any of us.

Jack: But how can you be part of it and not know what's going on?

Stewart: Let me give you an example. These warehouses full of drugs, no doubt you'd love to uncover an incriminating memo dated the day before Miracle Day signed by me authorising the stockpiling of painkillers. The truth is, a pattern like that began say maybe five years ago with the systematic increase in production in random factories around the world, based on market share projections. What was the warehouse?

Jack: Washington DC, Third and Boston.

Stewart: I'd imagine transportation of the drugs to the Third and Boston was then carried out over a twelve month period by, say, maybe five different haulage companies outsourced to seven or eight different independent suppliers.

Jack: So that means everyone's to blame.

Stewart: Everyone and no one. Whoever's behind this, they don't show themselves. Not to me, not to you. But to play the system like this—the markets, the politics, industry—they had to be planning this for a very long time. I wish I knew who they were.

Jack: I was told that the miracle involves geography. Does that mean anything?

Stewart: No. But there is one word that my operatives picked up dating back to the mid-nineties and then erased.

Jack: What is it?

Stewart: The Blessing.

Jack: What does it mean?

Stewart: There was a document from Italy, from a source inside the Council of Ministers. A contact then-deceased. It simply referred to the Blessing. It said, "They have found The Blessing."

Gwen: You watching?

Jack: I'm here. And I've opened up the radio link. Make your message.

Gwen: This is the truth for the whole world to see. We let our government build concentration camps. They built ovens for people in our names. Now I don't care if the whole of society bends over and takes this like a dog. I'm saying...No. [she blows the complex]

Jack: That's my girl.

Rex: Well all the guards are going. Regular army's coming in. They'll shut it down.

Esther: It was sanctioned. By the government. And they've got my name. They've got my name, I was on staff as Esther Drummond.

Rex: Esther, listen. Stop it, okay? Just stop it. You saved me.

Esther: I spent all that time wanting a job like yours. Look at me now.

Rex: It's okay. You're allowed to feel like this. Come here. [he kisses her forehead] But listen to me. This is not over. Not for Torchwood. And I need you in this fight. So get it together. And do it fast.

Esther: Done. I'm fine now. I'm ready.

Rex: Yeah. Me too.

Lenses: We have your mother. We have your husband. We have your child.

Gwen: Who... Who are... Who are you? What do you want? What do you want?!

Lenses: Bring us Jack.

Immortal Sins [4.07]

Jack: [regains consciousness] I'm tied down. Why am I tied down?

Gwen: They're in my eyes.

Jack: What?

Gwen: They're in my eyes. The contacts, they're in my eyes. Somebody's taken Anwen, Rhys, my mother, the whole bloody family. And they've said if I bring you, they'll let them go unharmed. Don't try moving. You'll never get out of those knots.

Jack: My hands are asleep. And my feet. You tied my feet?

Gwen: Of course I did, stupid. Otherwise you'd get out of the car, knock me out and turn the car around.

Jack: Are you sure they have your family?

Gwen: I phoned a hundred times. There's no reply. They've got them.

Jack: I want to talk to the lenses. Look at me so I can talk to them.

Gwen: Why do you always keep thinking you can tell me what to do?

Jack: Pull over, or look into the rear view. Just, please, let me talk to them.

Gwen: Don't cock this up, okay?

[Gwen looks at Jack in the rear view mirror]

Jack: Listen, whoever you are, there's more than one way to play this. Are you listening?

Gwen: Yeah, there's a cursor. They're there.

Jack: You want me? Let her family go and I'll come to you alone.

Gwen: Tell them they can have me too.

Jack: No, just me. Let Rhys go, let Anwen go, let her mother go free. You guys, you know what? Here I am. You got me.

Gwen: Nothing.

Jack: Give them a minute.

Gwen: There's just nothing now.

Jack: Maybe they're thinking about it.

Gwen: My mother's name is Mary. Mary! You've known me all this time and you can't remember her name?

Jack: All right, I'm sorry, okay?

Gwen: Yeah, well, you should be, because this is all your fault. They want to kill you, but why do they want to do that?

Jack: I don't know.

Gwen: What have you done?

Jack: I don't know!

Gwen: Well you've done something haven't you? Way back when in that long bloody life of yours. God, you've lived so long you can't remember half of it! Now you think. Think! What the hell have you done?

[On an alien encountered during a past adventure]

Jack: It's a parasite. Like a bug.

Angelo: A parasite? Tell me more about it.

Jack: Good man. It's a species of brainspawn treated as vermin on more than 150 planets that I know and valued as dinner on one other. It tastes like oysters.

Angelo: You did not.

Jack: I had to be polite. Now this part drills into the brain of the host and deposits its larvae there. Little worms, sharp as needles, pushing into the brain very slowly. You go insane, but it takes years. Franklin Roosevelt, he's going to be elected Governor of New York this November. But he wouldn't start making the really crazy decisions until his second term as President. Result, America destabilises, pulls out of the war, Germany rises, the Third Reich triumphant and there's a whole new history sprawling out.

Angelo: You mean someone is changing the future?

Jack: Destroying it. Turning order into chaos and feeding off the results.

Angelo: Who would do such a thing? These people above Maranzano?

Jack: They're just being used by someone called the Trickster's Brigade. Believe me, you don't want to meet them.

Angelo: What sort of men are they?

Jack: They're not men at all. They're not even human.

Gwen: It's me.

Jack: What do you mean?

Gwen: It's me. I caused this. I made this happen. I knew Torchwood was toxic, right from the moment I joined up, the very first day, but I stayed.

Jack: I'm glad you did.

Gwen: Stop being so nice. We left nice behind a hundred miles back. I'm trying to be honest, okay? Because do you know what the worst thing is of all? Out of all the shit we have seen, all the bloodshed, all the horror...You know what is worse than all that? I loved it. I bloody loved it. And I'd keep telling Rhys I was sorry, and I'd say to little Anwen I'm sorry, but I loved it so much. I knew things no one else knew and, oh, I felt so special. And when we lost people, it was so, so big, and I could say it was worth it. Because the bigger it was, the more important I was. And the more people we lost, the more that meant I was a survivor...and I was better than them. My God, this is all my fault and now they've got my beautiful little girl and I wished this on her.

Jack: I used to think the same about Torchwood.

Gwen: That's what I'm saying. Have you got what I'm saying to you, Jack? What I'm saying is, no more! Because I know exactly what you’re thinking, Jack; "She won’t do this, not really. Not my Gwen." "No, Gwen, she can’t hurt me. Gwen loves me. She’d never harm me." And, well, this is about my daughter. And I swear for her sake, I will see you killed like a dog right in front of me if it means her back in my arms. Understood?

Jack: Understood. And let me tell you. Now that I'm mortal, I'm gonna hang onto this with everything I've got. I love you, Gwen Cooper, but I will rip your skin from your skull before I let you take this away from me. Understood?

Gwen: Understood. I feel like I know you now better than I've ever done before.

Jack: Yeah. Right at the end.

Gwen: Mmm. Right at the end.

Jack: Time to move on. But not with you.

Angelo: I'm sorry. I was terrified, Jack. They said you were the devil, but other people said you were a blessing.

Jack: Something happened to me once, a long way away. Time itself changed me to a fixed point. And now I can't die. I suffer and I perish, but I always come back. I've lived through a lot of Earth's past and a lot of its future. And I'll keep on living this life forever.

Angelo: In the future, are we together?

Jack: What does it matter?

Angelo: Are we together?

Jack: We can't be, because one day you're gonna die and I won't.

Angelo: Then we forget the future. We make the moment now. We make a promise and we go forward.

Jack: Angelo, don't.

Angelo: What? You're lonely too. You said you want a companion.

Jack: Don't make me do this.

Angelo: You're not going without me.

Jack: Just let me go.

Angelo: But you can't. I'm never gonna let you go. I could travel this whole wide world, but where would I find another man like you? Please, don't leave me on my own.

Jack: I'm sorry, Angelo, but this is the story of my life. It always ends the same way - you kill me. [he stands at the edge of the roof] Men like you... You kill me... [he falls backwards off the building and then disappears]

Gwen: You're gonna live.

Jack: It's a talent of mine.

Gwen: I meant every word I said.

Jack: So did I.

Gwen: Good. [to Olivia] And as for you, you'd better pray that death comes back to this planet by the time I'm finished with you.

Jack: So tell us who you are before I let her loose.

Olivia: I don't see that anything's changed. You're still coming with me.

Jack: Why would I do that?

Olivia: You'll want to come with me because I can take you to the one man who knows how the Miracle began.

Jack: Who's that?

Olivia: Angelo. Angelo Colasanto. He's waiting for you, Jack. He's been waiting for such a very long time.

End of the Road [4.08]

Olivia: He talked about you all the time, Jack. His immortal man in old New York. He never forgot.

Rex: You're telling me the whole world got screwed because two gay guys had a hissy fit?

Gwen: Rex, get back in your cave.

Rex: Come on, give me a break.

Olivia: You inspired him. You proved immortality was possible. And he devoted the rest of his life to finding out how to live forever.

Jack: And he did it? He's still alive? He's still young?

Olivia: Oh yes, he's still alive. Angelo Colasanto is still very much alive... But he's not young.

Shapiro: So, these are the Torchwood clowns?

Gwen: Torchwood did more to piece this together than the entire CIA.

Shapiro: You're that English girl, Cooper...Have I got that right?

Gwen: No, I'm not English. And I'm not a girl.

Esther: Gwen, this is Allen Shapiro. Don't. Really, don't.

Gwen: Well, he's not scaring me. Hello.

Shapiro: I am sick of her already. Can we deport her? Let's deport her.

Jack: Hey, hey, hey, leave her alone.

Gwen: Don't you dare.

Rex: Don't touch her.

Gwen: Don't you dare.

Rex: Sorry, sir. With all due respect, Gwen Cooper's proven herself to be extremely useful. I think it's worth keeping her on our side.

Shapiro: Did you sleep with her?

Gwen: [outraged] Pardon me?!

Shapiro: Because most women that bitter, you've slept with. [to Esther] Did you make that mistake?

Esther: No. No, sir, I did not.

Shapiro: Esther Drummond. Rex said you did a good job out in the field.

Esther: Thank you, sir.

Shapiro: In my opinion you deserted your post. I'm docking your pay. [to Jack] And what is it with you, Red Baron? You got Snoopy up your ass?

Gwen: [snorts] That's funny.

Jack:: While you're wasting time, Mister Shapiro, we've got the names of the people who are responsible for causing the Miracle. I suggest we get to work.

Shapiro: Torchwood is going to work for the CIA?

Jack: I think the CIA can work for Torchwood, if you're lucky.

Shapiro: We've got a plane ready and waiting twenty minutes away. The sooner we pool our resources, the sooner we can end this thing. All right, let's go. Everybody out.

Jack: What about him (Angelo)? We've got a very sick man here.

Shapiro: Didn't you read the news? Nobody dies. Now, there's a nurse around here somewhere. You got two minutes. Don't leave them alone. [leaves]

Gwen: Jack...did we just join the CIA?

Jack: I think we did.

[After Angelo dies]

Shapiro: How? Only him, no one else. The only man in the whole wide world to die. The Miracle continues minus Mr Colasanto. So how did he do it? We've taken the body for autopsy. Any idea what we're gonna find?

Jack: I don't know. We should go.

Shapiro: No, no, no, no. Nobody is leaving. This house is secure.

Jack: It's not a crime scene.

Shapiro: Are you sure about that? Dying of old age can now be considered a crime. Something happened here, and we are going to search this place for every last bit of information. And nobody is going to leave until we know exactly what happened. So you can stay just where you are, Captain.

[Shapiro leaves. Jack sits on Angelo's bed]

Gwen: I'm sorry.

Jack: Yeah.

Gwen: And you really don't know what happened to him? What is it, Jack? Come on, what's wrong? Are we in trouble?

Jack: Yes.

Gwen: We're in trouble because he died?

Jack: Yeah.

Gwen: But why?

Oswald: What's Category Zero?

Jilly: What's what?

Oswald: What's Category Zero, and why does my whore know about it?

Jilly: ...Ah. Clever girl. Well, that's what you get for employing someone who sleeps with senators. She's been listening.

Oswald: Tell me, what's Category Zero?

Jilly: Look, Oswald, did you really think it would never come to an end, your freedom? There's an emergency mandate being passed through Congress defining a new Category Zero, meaning people who have earned themselves a place in the ovens for moral reasons.

Oswald: They want to burn me alive?

Jilly: Oswald, you were always sentenced to death. What you had was a wonderful delay. And now it's time for that adventure to come to an end.

Oswald: But people love me.

Jilly: Television loves you. It's a different thing.

Esther: [about the Null Field] How does it work?

Jack: I can't tell you. That's the point. Just listen to me. I knew this stuff the second I saw it. Yes, it's alien technology. The only examples of it on Earth were in the Torchwood Hub. They were buried in the ruins.

Esther: But Angelo had people watching.

Jack: He must have salvaged it, knowing the Miracle was coming.

Esther: So what did he do? Trigger it with your DNA or something?

Jack: Maybe that was revenge, or maybe giving me a clue. But there's only one course of action left now. You have to get me out of here.

Rex: Are you crazy?

Jack: Turn your head.

Rex: Jack, listen to me. The CIA is not the enemy. That's why I brought them in. Don't you understand? You don't-

[an agent walks past, they quickly pretend to be examining the lattice]

Jack: Keep your head down. Be calm.

Rex: Look, you don't need to run anymore, okay? We can protect you.

Jack: There's a reason why Torchwood was secret. We kept things hidden from the human race. This technology is a science the world should never know.

Esther: How can you know that?

Jack: I know, Esther, because I've seen the future. I've walked the future world and breathed its air. And this technology would send it to damnation. Just imagine the stealth technology of a null field hiding bombs, hiding planes, shielding one side from radiation while the other side burns. This thing would be the end of us. This timeline would be terminal.

Esther: He's right.

Rex: Whose side are you on?!

Esther: Even if the government... Even if the government had this one panel and they put people inside and they died, it's the same thing as the ovens. It's control over life and death, and we've seen that that doesn't work.

Jack: But you trust me, don't you? Both of you? After all we've done? Please, I'm begging you, get me out of here. Look, this is the Alpha plate. Without it this is just a bunch of metal. You've got to get me and the plate away from this house.

Rex: Jack, listen to me. We can't, okay? We are the CIA and this is a genuine CIA operation.

Jack: This is history, Rex. This is everything. Please, get me out.

The Gathering [4.09]

Rhys: Now you tell me. Tell me quickly, you bastard! You murdering bastard! Come on! Tell me before I get the boys round. Before I shout your name out loud in the street and fetch the bloody mob, tell me, what do you want?!

Oswald: Jack Harkness. The men who smuggled me into this country, they brought Harkness in seven weeks ago and they brought him to you. And then you, in turn, found him a haven. Now I paid good money for your name, Gwen Cooper, so I really need to see Jack. And you will do exactly what I ask.

Gwen: Why should I?

Oswald: Because I have a name. I have the name of a man. I have the name of the man who created the Miracle.

Oswald: One man's name keeps reoccurring. Kitzinger was employed to send him information. And his name's Harry Bosco.

Gwen: Harry Bosco.

Oswald: His name, over and over again.

Gwen: Esther? Harry Bosco.

Esther: Sorry.

Gwen: What, can't you search him?

Esther: You think you're clever, Oswald? Is that really all you had?

Oswald: It's a name.

Esther: Harry Bosco isn't a man. Harry Bosco's a process. It goes back to Vietnam. It was the first war to be televised and the government didn't want US networks taking feed directly from the Vietnamese, because for the first time information was beyond their control. So they put agents into every newsroom, every major TV network, filtering the output for the public. Cleverest of them all was a man called Harry Bosco.

Jack: What did he do?

Esther: He'd alter information. It was subtle. He did it by mistranslation. He couldn't censor or change, but he could manipulate the English translation. Change one word, change the entire meaning. If you say victims instead of bodies, you influence public opinion. All the channels Harry Bosco these days.

Rhys: So that's it? Dead end? Done? You finished with him? Can I have him now?

Oswald: Could you keep your dog on his leash?

Rhys: Watch it, pal.

Oswald: My point still stands. The name's still important because Kitzinger works in PR. Why would she be handling this Harry Bosco process?

Esther: To be fair, it's a good question. Why would the families hire Jilly to do all this in the first place?

Jack: What's she translating?

Esther: What's she mistranslating? Because the three families changed their name, now Jilly's changing words? Maybe they're connected.

Jack: I think I can get us in. Back in the old days, Torchwood tracked down a black market trade in alien artefacts coming out of China. Skullion metal and coins, things like that. We closed it down but the route stayed open for arms dealing.

Esther: We're gonna trust arms dealers?

Gwen: I don't care. I'll do it.

Esther: Okay, okay, wait. What about Buenos Aires?

Gwen: I don't know. Which city is it?

Rhys: It's both, you bunch of nuts. You can't see for looking, can you? Eh? Look. Right, Shanghai, Buenos Aires. Buenos Aires, Shanghai. Opposite sides of the world. Quite literally, opposite sides of the Earth, yeah? Yeah? So whatever's going on, there's got to be something connecting them.

Gwen: Are you kidding me? Is that right?

Esther: They're antipodes. They're the antipodes of each other. Two massive population centres balanced on either side of the planet.

Oswald: As the old saying goes, count your blessings, because it turns out there's two of them.

Gwen: But what does it mean?

Esther: Look at the PhiCorp logo. The letter phi, a circle with a line through it. It's been right there in front of us staring us in the face all this time.

Gwen: A line through the world?

Jack: The Blessing. The Miracle.

Esther: But what is it?

Jack: We need to find out. We can get into Argentina no problem.

Esther: Maybe we need to get into both, Jack. Maybe you should go one way.

Jack: And you the other.

Esther: Buenos Aires.

Jack: Shanghai.

Gwen: So this is what we're doing? A mission on both sides of the world?

Jack: Biggest mission yet.

Gwen: Suppose it is, yeah.

Oswald: And you're taking me with you.

Gwen: No way.

Rhys: No, no, no. I've got, I've got better plans for you, bub.

Oswald: And that's your problem, isn't it, Gwen? You can't let me walk free. Not a man with my desires. And you can't have me arrested. Not now that I know all about your little plans.

Rhys: They can leave you here with me.

Oswald: Well, that's just it, you joyous man. You've just trapped your wife completely. Leave me here with him and I think he would. I actually think he would. Your husband would kill me. He'd make me Category One with his own bare hands. You would kill me, wouldn't you?

Rhys: Yeah.

Oswald: Is that what you want? No. I'm coming with you. There's no choice. There's not a choice in the whole of the world. Okay?

The Mother: You must feel terrible.

Jilly: No, I'm fine.

The Mother: No, I mean you really must. That's what The Blessing does to you the closer you get. You're scared, am I right? Your skin's a little too tight. There's something just out of the corner of your eye you can't quite see, hmm?

Jilly: Yes.

The Mother: You never get used to it. Come this way, Miss Kitzinger.

Jilly: It's Miss Meredith.

The Mother: I don't really care. The men enjoy those sorts of games. But the feeling, it started as soon as we dug deep enough. I think it's The Blessing's attempt to communicate.

Jilly: Then it's a living thing?

The Mother: Oh, we have no idea. But certainly The Blessing sends some sort of impact back at the onlooker. [Jilly is led to a warehouse and into a goods lift] We have a theory. We say The Blessing shows you to yourself. I've seen people look upon The Blessing and end their lives. There's a brilliant truth about that, because each and every time that person was hiding something vile. Isn't that wonderful? It's exhilarating, the damage it does. I wonder what you'll see.

[Gwen discovers that Jack's wound is getting worse]

Gwen: Idiot. You idiot. You told me that was healed. You're not better at all, are you? Let me see.

Jack: Sorry.

Gwen: It's okay. I got you. Okay, I got you. I got you.

[Gwen helps Jack onto a bunk bed]

Jack: I'm so sorry.

Gwen: It's all right. Don't be sorry. I've got you. Okay, let me take a look. Oh, honestly. [rips off his bandage] Oh, God.

Jack: Gwen...

Gwen: If I had known it was this bad, Jack, you'd never have come.

Jack: It got worse when we arrived. Ah!

Gwen: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, I got you.

[Oswald watches as a drop of Jack's blood drips from the bandage onto the floor then moves across the floorboards]

Jack: Fine place to die, in old Shanghai.

Gwen: You're not dying. Don't say that.

Jack: I'm tired, Gwen. This mortal life, it hurts so much.

Oswald: Well, now. Can't say I've been to China before, so I'm not well versed in their customs. But I've got to say I never knew about that. [Jack and Gwen also watch the travelling blood drops] Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Gwen: It's your blood. No wonder it's killing you. I think, I think it's showing us the way. It's The Blessing. It's somewhere over there. And I think whatever it is, it's calling you, Jack.

The Blood Line [4.10]

The Mother: I knew it.

Jilly: What's happening?

The Mother: You're about to meet the creator.

Jilly: It's that soldier.

The Mother: Hmph.

Jilly: He's with Oswald?

[As Gwen, Jack and Danes come down in the lift, the Mother goes to meet them. Her guards have their guns ready]

The Mother: Captain Jack Harkness. At last.

Oswald: No, no, no, no, this isn't about Jack. No, ma'am. Excuse me, but it's not at all. My name is Oswald Danes. Well. Hmm. Good evening, Miss Kitzinger. You've been promoted. And this is the new empire you're servicing? My, my, my, my, my, my, my.

The Mother: With all due respect, Mr Danes, you're a by-product of the Miracle. Not really relevant at all.

Oswald: That's what the Captain said. He tried to tell me that my life has become a very small thing. Tiny. And yet right here, right now, at the very end, I would describe myself differently. I would call myself vital. [Danes opens his coat to reveal a suicide jacket of explosives. He arms the trigger] Madam, you're a fine woman. You should be careful now, very careful indeed. It seems like you've been planning some kind of an explosion, but I'd love to make sure you're still inside.

Jack: Advantage Torchwood.

The Cousin: Well, I'm afraid we have a major disagreement here in Buenos Aires. I'd say advantage Families. Say hello to your friends.

Jack: What's that supposed to mean?

Rex: He means us.

Gwen: Rex? Oh my God. And Esther?

Esther: I'm here. They caught us.

Gwen: Just glad to hear you're alive.

The Cousin: I'll swap your standoff for my standoff. [aims his gun at Esther's head]

Rex: Don't you do it.

The Cousin: But nobody dies. She'll keep on living, just perforated.

Rex: Threaten me, you coward, not her.

Esther: Rex. Hey, I'm okay.

Jack If you hurt her, we've got explosives here ready to go.

Oswald: And don't imagine I won't. Whatever happens here tonight, there's no place on Earth that I can go, and I wasn't planning on coming out of here alive.

The Cousin: [lowers his gun] So, who's gonna lose their nerve first?

Jack: The thing is, we don't need explosives or guns or threats, because I've got the most powerful thing of all. [walks to the cleft in the world and cuts his finger. His blood flies into it] It wants me. Mortal blood. The only one in the whole world. So I suggest you're very careful with me, okay?

Oswald: And if you fail to take the Captain's advice, you can certainly come to oblivion with me. Jack, you're the future man. You've seen wonders beyond this world, so tell us of these Blessings and Miracles.

Rex: So, you found The Blessing and you worked out this morphic field.

The Cousin: The Blessing exists in a symbiotic relationship with the human race. It transmits a morphic field around the planet, binding us together like magnetism, like sunlight.

Esther: But finding it wasn't enough. You had to experiment on it.

The Cousin: No, we fed it.

The Mother: We fed it the blood of an immortal. We had one remarkable artifact. We found a second remarkable artifact. The combination was inevitable.

Gwen: So the Blessing absorbed the blood, copied it like a new template. So, the system changed its setting.

Jack: You know why it did that? I think you hurt it. It was being attacked, so it took the blood pattern and made it a gift. It's exerting itself to sustain every person on the planet. This whole Miracle, it's trying to be kind.

Rex: You've seen immortality. I'm living it. Why would you want this?

The Cousin: This is only stage one.

Gwen: But you ruined the world out there!

The Mother: The Miracle shocked the economy. The economy collapsed. We tear down in order to rebuild. And now it's almost within sight. The new world.

Gwen: Yeah, with no room for the poor, the weak or the ones that don't fit in.

The Mother: That's the way the world works. Now, we're just making it official. The families have just been waiting. Now we can step in to control the banks. The banks control government. The government controls people. Soon we'll be able to decide who lives, how long, where and why.

Jilly: It's about time!

Gwen: Oh, great. So it's the world according to Kitzinger, is it?

Jilly: Listen, you can bleed your liberal heart all over the place, but are you really gonna tell me the world was working before? Because I have worked for the rich and the powerful and the obese. I have stared into the high end of Western society and let me tell you, it is like shovelling an open sewer. These families, they want to make the world fitter, more compact, more disciplined. And I like the sound of that. That sounds like salvation.

Jack: But before you launched this brave new world, you had to deal with one more thing. Yeah. Me.

Esther: So as soon as the Miracle happened, you sent the Torchwood email.

The Cousin: His blood endangers the plan. We had to draw him out into the open.

Jack: Well, you failed. I got to Shanghai. I've got the only mortal blood on the planet. If it gets into The Blessing, life switches back. I can make the whole world mortal.

[As Jack is about to slit his wrist, the Mother laughs]

The Mother: No.

The Cousin: Oh, no.

The Mother: Sadly not.

The Cousin: He's not listening.

The Mother: He doesn't seem to get it.

The Cousin: No, no, no.

The Mother: Polar dynamics, Jack.

The Cousin: Everything on this axis operates in a polar dynamic field.

The Mother: You could reset the Blessing, your blood could make the whole world mortal again, but only by introducing it to both cities at once.

The Cousin: Blood in Buenos Aires.

The Mother: Blood in Shanghai.

The Cousin: Entering The Blessing simultaneously.

The Mother: That's how we fed it.

The Cousin: That's how we made the world immortal.

The Mother: And for you, I'm sorry, it's impossible.

The Cousin: You did very well, almost worked it out, but all that spare blood of yours went up in flames.

The Mother: So I'm just gonna have to kill you. [gives an order to her Chinese henchmen]

Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa.

The Mother: Jack, I know how your mind works. Even now you're ferociously calculating how you can get your blood to the other side of the world. But I can't allow that. Absolutely not.

Oswald: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm warning you, I'll do it.

The Mother: Then I'll die. And that's a shame, because you can blast his blood into that wall and it won't make any difference at all.

[The henchmen cock their weapons]

Rex: Listen to me.

Oswald: I'll do it! I'll do it!

Rex: Wait a minute. If you need the blood of Jack Harkness on the other side of the world, then just-

Oswald: I'll do it!

Rex: Just listen to me! Jack! All right. I'm all right. As I was saying, if you need Jack's blood, how about this?

[Rex cuts his finger, and the blood flows to the cleft. The ground shudders]

The Mother: What was that? What happened?

Gwen: Rex, what did you do?

The Cousin: That's impossible. No way. There's nothing special about you.

Rex: Oh, but there is, when I've got Jack's blood flowing through my veins. It's inside me.

Gwen: What?

Jack: Oh, my God.

Rex: See, we knew this blood was important, so as soon as we arrived-

Esther: We transfused it into Rex. We exchanged his blood for Jack's.

Rex: On most days it might've killed me. But we're all living on Miracle Day.

Esther: And everyone thought the blood was gone, so no one even suspected. All we did was keep one final bag, filled the rest with Rex's blood, and Jack's mortal blood...

Rex: ...Just walked right in. Hey, Oswald, you want to be a walking bomb?

The Mother: Get him out of there!

Rex: Well, try this. Shoot me! Shoot me! Come on! Shoot me!

The Cousin: Don't! Don't! Don't!

Rex: Pull that trigger! Splatter my blood! Shoot me!

The Mother: Get him out! Get him out!

[Jack produces a gun]

Jack: Nobody move! Huh? Wow, Rex, you're a genius!

Rex: You just shut the hell up. All right? This shit hurts.

Gwen: Yeah, we've got blood on both sides of the world, Jack, but-

The Mother: But they will die. Is that what you want? The Blessing will take every last drop. You'll both die, gentlemen. You'll both kill yourselves. You will die in a pit in Shanghai. Is that what you want?

Jack: I think I've lived long enough. Are you ready, Rex?

Rex: Oh, you know I wish I'd never met you, you World War Two idiot. Good times, huh?

Esther: Yeah.

Rex: I'll see ya.

Gwen: Just one last thing, Jack.

Jack: What is it?

Gwen: You're never gonna be a suicide. [aims her gun at him]

Jack: Thank you.

Gwen: Bye, then.

Jack: Bye.

Gwen: Face front.

[Jack faces the Blessing]

Jack: This is it, Rex.

Rex: Nothing's gonna stop me.

The Cousin: I think this might. [shoots Esther]

[Rex has been shot by Charlotte]

Jack: Get help! Clear the area! There might be more!

Gwen: Oh, no!

Jack: No way.

Gwen: Oh, come on. No, no, not after everything he's gone through. No!

Jack: There's nothing we can do. I'm, I'm sorry, Gwen. I am so sorry. He's dead. [Rex gasps back to life] [shocked] What?!

Rhys: What?!

Gwen: What?!

Rex: What? [rips his shirt open and sees his wound heal] What?!

Gwen: What the hell?

Jack: That's impossible.

Rex: You. World War Two. What the hell did you do to me?!

Doctor Who

(The following quotes occurred on a two part Doctor Who crossover story and are included here for the sake of completion.)

The Stolen Earth [Doctor Who 4.12]

(28 June 2008)

Jack: Whoa! [pushes a filling cabinet off of him] What happened? Was it the Rift? [runs out of his office] Gwen? Ianto? You okay?

Ianto: No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity. No change there, then.

Gwen: The whole city must have felt that! All of South Wales!

Jack: I'm gonna take a look outside! [leaves]

Ianto: [looks at a computer screen, stunned] Little bit bigger than South Wales.

Paul O'Grady: [on TV screen] D'you know what? I look up, and there's all these moons and things- Have you seen them? Did you see them? [sounds of an audience agreeing] I thought, what was I drinking last night? Furnisher polish? [Ianto laughs]

Jack: [disaprovingly] Ianto! Time and a place!

Ianto: Eh...It is funny, though.

Jack: Gwen, come and see!

Gwen: [on her phone] Rhys, I have no idea. Just...stay indoors. And I need you to phone my mother. Tell her, oh I dunno, tell her to take her pills and go to sleep. I'm gonna come home as soon as I can. I promise. I love you, you big idiot. [hangs up, then joins Jack and Ianto]

Jack: Someone's established an artificial atmospheric shell. Keeping the air and holding in the heat.

Ianto: Whoever's done this wants the human race alive- that's a plus. Twenty-seven planets, including the Earth.

Gwen: No, but what's that? [indicates a red dot on the screen] That's not a planet!

Gwen: Three thousand miles, and closing...but who are they?! [Jack's phone rings. He answers]

Jack: Martha Jones, voice of a nightingale...Tell me you put something in my drink.

Martha: No such luck. Have you heard from the Doctor?

Jack: Not a word. Where are you?

Martha: New York.

Jack: Huh. Nice for some...

Martha: I've been promoted; Medical Director on Project Indigo.

Jack: Did you get that thing working?

Martha: [surprised] Indigo's top secret, no one's supposed to know about that.

Jack: I... met a soldier in a bar. [Ianto looks at him] Long story.

Ianto: [sharply] When was that?

Jack: [to Ianto, firmly] Strictly professional.

Gwen: Fifteen hundred miles, boys, and accelerating. They're almost here.

[The Doctor finally gets in touch with Earth]

Jack: Where the hell have you been?! Doctor, it's the Daleks!

Gwen: He's a bit nice, I thought he'd be older.

Ianto: He's not that young...

[Gwen comes out with a pair of machine guns]

Ianto: Uh, they don't work against Daleks.

Gwen: Yeah? [tosses him a gun] Well, I'm going out fighting. Like Owen, like Tosh. [loads her gun, then hands Ianto a magazine clip] How 'bout you?

[Ianto contemplates, then loads the gun]

Ianto: Yes ma'am!

Journey's End [Doctor Who 4.13]

(5 July 2008)

[upon discovering the Dalek has frozen]

Ianto: It's a Time Lock. The ultimate defence program. Tosh was working on it; Never thought she'd finish it, but she did. The Hub's sealed in a time bubble. Nothing can get in.

Gwen: But that means we can't get out.

Ianto: Nope. Not without unlocking that Dalek. We're trapped inside. It's all up to Jack, now.

The Doctor: Torchwood Hub, this is the Doctor! Are you receiving me?

Gwen: Loud and clear. Is Jack there?

The Doctor: Can't get rid of him! [frowns] Jack, what's her name?

Jack: Gwen Cooper.

The Doctor: Tell me, Gwen Cooper, are you from an old Cardiff family?

[Gwen and Ianto exchange confused glances]

Gwen: Yes. All the way to the 1800s.

The Doctor: Ah, thought so! [to Rose] Spatial genetic multiplicity.

Rose: [delighted] Oh yeah!

The Doctor: Yeah. Yeah, funny old world. Now Torchwood, I want you open up that Rift Manipulator, and send all the power to me.

Ianto: Doing it now, sir.

Gwen: What's that for?

The Doctor: It's a tow rope!

The Lost Files

I propose an Institute to investigate these strange happenings and to fight them. I would call it Torchwood. The Torchwood Institute. And if this Doctor should return, then he should beware... because Torchwood will be waiting.
- Queen Victoria in Tooth and Claw [2.2] (22 April 2006)

It's Torchwood. That's what did it. They give you Retcon, chemicals and radiation and god knows what. [..] That's what Torchwood does, you see...it ruins your life. And saves everyone else's
- Gwen Cooper in Torchwood: Children of Earth [3.5] (10 July 2009) (Or from the Doctor's perspective- 01/04/5012 on Skaro, killing a few Daleks here and there).

Save the planet (one alien at a time) (Series 1)
Alone They're Only Human, Together They're Torchwood (Series 2)
We Are Coming (Series 3)
Death Is Not An Option (Series 4)

Wikipedia

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Torchwood

Torchwood quotes at the Internet Movie Database