List of Two and a Half Men episodes

Two and a Half Men is an American television sitcom created by Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn that premiered on CBS on September 22, 2003.

On March 13, 2014, Two and a Half Men was renewed for a twelfth season, which was announced the following May to be the final season,^[1] that premiered on October 30, 2014.^[2][3] During the course of the series, 262 episodes of Two and a Half Men aired over twelve seasons, between September 22, 2003, and February 19, 2015.

Series overview

Season	Episodes		Originally released		Rank	Rating
			First released	Last released
1	24		September 22, 2003 (2003-09-22)	May 24, 2004 (2004-05-24)	14	9.9
2	24		September 20, 2004 (2004-09-20)	May 23, 2005 (2005-05-23)	11	10.6
3	24		September 19, 2005 (2005-09-19)	May 22, 2006 (2006-05-22)	13	9.7
4	24		September 18, 2006 (2006-09-18)	May 14, 2007 (2007-05-14)	14	9.1
5	19		September 24, 2007 (2007-09-24)	May 19, 2008 (2008-05-19)	15	8.5
6	24		September 22, 2008 (2008-09-22)	May 18, 2009 (2009-05-18)	12	9.1
7	22		September 21, 2009 (2009-09-21)	May 24, 2010 (2010-05-24)	12	8.9
8	16		September 20, 2010 (2010-09-20)	February 14, 2011 (2011-02-14)	16	7.7
9	24		September 19, 2011 (2011-09-19)	May 14, 2012 (2012-05-14)	11	9.1
10	23		September 27, 2012 (2012-09-27)	May 9, 2013 (2013-05-09)	10	8.7
11	22		September 26, 2013 (2013-09-26)	May 8, 2014 (2014-05-08)	27	6.8
12	16		October 30, 2014 (2014-10-30)	February 19, 2015 (2015-02-19)	23	7.5

Episodes

Each episode's title is a phrase spoken by one of the characters in that episode. The three exceptions are the pilot episode and the episodes "Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor" (season 1) and "Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers" (season 2). The latter episode does fit the criterion, but the quote was part of a deleted scene which Chuck Lorre explains in the episode's vanity card.

Three episode titles are not direct quotes: "Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful" (season 1), "Who's Vod Kanockers?" (season 4), and "Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead" (season 8). Charlie states "I'm not going to face all those pre-pubers without a snootful", but the number twenty-five is never mentioned. Jake actually asks "Who is this Vod Kanockers that you speak of?"; however, on the DVD release, that episode is titled "Who Is This Vod Kanockers?". When Charlie sings his song called "Chocolate Diddlers", Alan only suggests that it sounds more like "My Puppy's Dead".

Season 1 (2003–04)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 1

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
1	1	"Pilot"	James Burrows	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	September 22, 2003 (2003-09-22)	18.44[4]
2	2	"Big Flappy Bastards"	Andy Ackerman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov	September 29, 2003 (2003-09-29)	16.18[5]
3	3	"Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell"	Andy Ackerman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Lee Aronsohn	October 6, 2003 (2003-10-06)	14.82[6]
4	4	"If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap"	Andy Ackerman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Foster	October 13, 2003 (2003-10-13)	14.73[7]
5	5	"The Last Thing You Want is to Wind Up with a Hump"	Andy Ackerman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov	October 20, 2003 (2003-10-20)	15.24[8]
6	6	"Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?"	Andy Ackerman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Foster	October 27, 2003 (2003-10-27)	15.82[9]
7	7	"If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake"	Andy Ackerman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Lee Aronsohn	November 3, 2003 (2003-11-03)	16.02[10]
8	8	"Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snootful"	Chuck Lorre	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jeff Abugov	November 10, 2003 (2003-11-10)	15.82[11]
9	9	"Phase One, Complete"	Andy Ackerman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Foster	November 17, 2003 (2003-11-17)	15.98[12]
10	10	"Merry Thanksgiving"	Jay Sandrich	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 24, 2003 (2003-11-24)	17.14[13]
11	11	"Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor"	Robert Berlinger	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts	December 15, 2003 (2003-12-15)	14.77[14]
12	12	"Camel Filters and Pheromones"	Robert Berlinger	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Mark Roberts	January 5, 2004 (2004-01-05)	16.75[15]
13	13	"Sarah Like Puny Alan"	Robert Berlinger	Story by : Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster	January 12, 2004 (2004-01-12)	17.86[16]
14	14	"I Can't Afford Hyenas"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Jeff Abugov & Eddie Gorodetsky	February 2, 2004 (2004-02-02)	16.48[17]
15	15	"Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick"	Andrew D. Weyman	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	February 9, 2004 (2004-02-09)	16.96[18]
16	16	"That Was Saliva, Alan"	Andrew D. Weyman	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	February 16, 2004 (2004-02-16)	17.39[19]
17	17	"Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats"	Andrew D. Weyman	Story by : Jeff Abugov & Eric Lapidus Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts	February 23, 2004 (2004-02-23)	16.48[20]
18	18	"An Old Flame with a New Wick"	Andrew D. Weyman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts	March 1, 2004 (2004-03-01)	17.10[21]
19	19	"I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You"	Gail Mancuso	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	March 22, 2004 (2004-03-22)	16.43[22]
20	20	"Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Jeff Abugov & Mark Roberts	April 19, 2004 (2004-04-19)	14.58[23]
21	21	"No Sniffing, No Wowing"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Don Foster	May 3, 2004 (2004-05-03)	16.20[24]
22	22	"My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet"	Gail Mancuso	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky	May 10, 2004 (2004-05-10)	16.01[25]
23	23	"Just Like Buffalo"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster	May 17, 2004 (2004-05-17)	15.20[26]
24	24	"Can You Feel My Finger?"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	May 24, 2004 (2004-05-24)	18.16[27]

Season 2 (2004–05)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 2

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
25	1	"Back Off, Mary Poppins"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers	September 20, 2004 (2004-09-20)	16.44[28]
26	2	"Enjoy Those Garlic Balls"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	September 27, 2004 (2004-09-27)	16.44[29]
27	3	"A Bag Full of Jawea"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Jeff Abugov & Mark Roberts	October 4, 2004 (2004-10-04)	16.43[30]
28	4	"Go Get Mommy's Bra"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky	October 11, 2004 (2004-10-11)	17.15[31]
29	5	"Bad News from the Clinic?"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Jeff Abugov	October 18, 2004 (2004-10-18)	16.28[32]
30	6	"The Price of Healthy Gums is Eternal Vigilance"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	October 25, 2004 (2004-10-25)	17.25[33]
31	7	"A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Don Foster Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 8, 2004 (2004-11-08)	16.04[34]
32	8	"Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Don Foster & Jeff Abugov Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 15, 2004 (2004-11-15)	17.47[35]
33	9	"Yes, Monsignor"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Jeff Abugov & Susan Beavers	November 22, 2004 (2004-11-22)	18.94[36]
34	10	"The Salmon Under My Sweater"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Don Foster & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 29, 2004 (2004-11-29)	17.88[37]
35	11	"Last Chance to See Those Tattoos"	Pamela Fryman	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	December 13, 2004 (2004-12-13)	16.22[38]
36	12	"A Lungful of Alan"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	January 3, 2005 (2005-01-03)	18.03[39]
37	13	"Zejdź z Moich Włosów (a.k.a. Get Off My Hair)"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	January 17, 2005 (2005-01-17)	18.14[40]
38	14	"Those Big Pink Things with Coconut"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Jeff Abugov	January 31, 2005 (2005-01-31)	17.01[41]
39	15	"Smell the Umbrella Stand"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers	February 7, 2005 (2005-02-07)	16.75[42]
40	16	"Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers	February 14, 2005 (2005-02-14)	16.78[43]
41	17	"Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	February 21, 2005 (2005-02-21)	17.50[44]
42	18	"It Was 'Mame,' Mom"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts	March 7, 2005 (2005-03-07)	17.45[45]
43	19	"A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	March 21, 2005 (2005-03-21)	15.92[46]
44	20	"I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey"	Asaad Kelada	Story by : Susan Beavers & Jeff Abugov Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	April 18, 2005 (2005-04-18)	17.13[47]
45	21	"A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	May 2, 2005 (2005-05-02)	17.93[48]
46	22	"That Old Hose Bag is My Mother"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster	May 9, 2005 (2005-05-09)	17.96[49]
47	23	"Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab"	J.D. Lobue	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Foster	May 16, 2005 (2005-05-16)	24.24[50]
48	24	"Does This Smell Funny to You?"	Pamela Fryman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Jeff Abugov	May 23, 2005 (2005-05-23)	14.37[51]

Season 3 (2005–06)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 3

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
49	1	"Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts"	Gary Halvorson	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	September 19, 2005 (2005-09-19)	15.04[52]
50	2	"Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	September 26, 2005 (2005-09-26)	14.37[53]
51	3	"Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster	October 3, 2005 (2005-10-03)	14.21[54]
52	4	"Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts	October 10, 2005 (2005-10-10)	15.24[55]
53	5	"We Called It Mr. Pinky"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	October 17, 2005 (2005-10-17)	15.56[56]
54	6	"Hi, Mr. Horned One"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	October 24, 2005 (2005-10-24)	16.77[57]
55	7	"Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 7, 2005 (2005-11-07)	16.19[58]
56	8	"That Voodoo That I Do Do"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts	November 14, 2005 (2005-11-14)	15.17[59]
57	9	"Madame and Her Special Friend"	Asaad Kelada	Story by : Jeff Abugov & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 21, 2005 (2005-11-21)	15.74[60]
58	10	"Something Salted and Twisted"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 28, 2005 (2005-11-28)	16.53[61]
59	11	"Santa's Village of the Damned"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers	December 19, 2005 (2005-12-19)	17.71[62]
60	12	"That Special Tug"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	January 9, 2006 (2006-01-09)	17.20[63]
61	13	"Humiliation is a Visual Medium"	Rob Schiller	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	January 23, 2006 (2006-01-23)	17.07[64]
62	14	"Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Jeff Abugov Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers	February 6, 2006 (2006-02-06)	16.33[65]
63	15	"My Tongue is Meat"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	February 27, 2006 (2006-02-27)	17.04[66]
64	16	"Ergo, the Booty Call"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers	March 6, 2006 (2006-03-06)	17.06[67]
65	17	"The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	March 13, 2006 (2006-03-13)	17.37[68]
66	18	"The Spit-Covered Cobbler"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	March 20, 2006 (2006-03-20)	16.72[69]
67	19	"Golly Moses, She's a Muffin"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	April 10, 2006 (2006-04-10)	14.05[70]
68	20	"Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Foster	April 24, 2006 (2006-04-24)	14.47[71]
69	21	"And the Plot Moistens"	Jerry Zaks	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts	May 1, 2006 (2006-05-01)	14.31[72]
70	22	"Just Once with Aunt Sophie"	Lee Aronsohn	Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre	May 8, 2006 (2006-05-08)	14.87[73]
71	23	"Arguments for the Quickie"	James Widdoes	Story by : Susan Beavers & Don Foster Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	May 15, 2006 (2006-05-15)	11.04[74]
72	24	"That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Foster	May 22, 2006 (2006-05-22)	15.51[75]

Season 4 (2006–07)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 4

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
73	1	"Working for Caligula"	Gary Halvorson	Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre	September 18, 2006 (2006-09-18)	15.09[76]
74	2	"Who's Vod Kanockers?"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	September 25, 2006 (2006-09-25)	15.28[77]
75	3	"The Sea is a Harsh Mistress"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts	October 2, 2006 (2006-10-02)	15.80[78]
76	4	"A Pot Smoking Monkey"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Bill Prady & Maria Espada Pearce Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers	October 9, 2006 (2006-10-09)	16.38[79]
77	5	"A Live Woman of Proven Fertility"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	October 16, 2006 (2006-10-16)	16.25[80]
78	6	"Apologies for the Frivolity"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Mark Roberts	October 23, 2006 (2006-10-23)	15.03[81]
79	7	"Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	November 6, 2006 (2006-11-06)	14.48[82]
80	8	"Release the Dogs"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 13, 2006 (2006-11-13)	15.83[83]
81	9	"Corey's Been Dead for an Hour"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre	November 20, 2006 (2006-11-20)	15.04[84]
82	10	"Kissing Abe Lincoln"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 27, 2006 (2006-11-27)	15.50[85]
83	11	"Walnuts and Demerol"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	December 11, 2006 (2006-12-11)	15.69[86]
84	12	"Castrating Sheep in Montana"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	January 8, 2007 (2007-01-08)	14.78[87]
85	13	"Don't Worry, Speed Racer"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	January 22, 2007 (2007-01-22)	15.85[88]
86	14	"That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	February 5, 2007 (2007-02-05)	17.68[89]
87	15	"My Damn Stalker"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	February 12, 2007 (2007-02-12)	15.50[90]
88	16	"Young People Have Phlegm Too"	Andrew D. Weyman	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	February 19, 2007 (2007-02-19)	16.56[91]
89	17	"I Merely Slept with a Commie"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	February 26, 2007 (2007-02-26)	16.58[92]
90	18	"It Never Rains in Hooterville"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Don Foster & Mark Roberts	March 19, 2007 (2007-03-19)	11.68[93]
91	19	"Smooth as a Ken Doll"	Gary Halvorson	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster	April 9, 2007 (2007-04-09)	13.46[94]
92	20	"Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot"	Jerry Zaks	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre	April 16, 2007 (2007-04-16)	13.03[95]
93	21	"Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous"	Jerry Zaks	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster	April 23, 2007 (2007-04-23)	12.27[96]
94	22	"Mr. McGlue's Feedbag"	Jon Cryer	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Don Foster	April 30, 2007 (2007-04-30)	13.71[97]
95	23	"Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'"	Lee Aronsohn	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Don Foster & Mark Roberts & Jim Patterson	May 7, 2007 (2007-05-07)	13.27[98]
96	24	"Prostitutes and Gelato"	Ted Wass	Story by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	May 14, 2007 (2007-05-14)	10.16[99]

Season 5 (2007–08)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 5

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
97	1	"Large Birds, Spiders and Mom"	Ted Wass	Story by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre	September 24, 2007 (2007-09-24)	13.58[100]
98	2	"Media Room Slash Dungeon"	Ted Wass	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	October 1, 2007 (2007-10-01)	13.24[101]
99	3	"Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo"	Ted Wass	Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre	October 8, 2007 (2007-10-08)	13.02[102]
100	4	"City of Great Racks"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	October 15, 2007 (2007-10-15)	13.69[103]
101	5	"Putting Swim Fins on a Cat"	James Widdoes	Story by : Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	October 22, 2007 (2007-10-22)	13.94[104]
102	6	"Help Daddy Find His Toenail"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	October 29, 2007 (2007-10-29)	13.73[105]
103	7	"Our Leather Gear is in the Guest Room"	Ted Wass	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 5, 2007 (2007-11-05)	13.80[106]
104	8	"Is There a Mrs. Waffles?"	Ted Wass	Story by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 12, 2007 (2007-11-12)	14.12[107]
105	9	"Tight's Good"	Jean Sagal	Story by : Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	November 19, 2007 (2007-11-19)	13.91[108]
106	10	"Kinda Like Necrophilia"	Ted Wass	Story by : Jim Patterson & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	November 26, 2007 (2007-11-26)	15.26[109]
107	11	"Meander to Your Dander"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Foster & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	March 17, 2008 (2008-03-17)	14.06[110]
108	12	"A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh"	James Widdoes	Story by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	March 24, 2008 (2008-03-24)	14.24[111]
109	13	"The Soil is Moist"	James Widdoes	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	March 31, 2008 (2008-03-31)	14.50[112]
110	14	"Winky-Dink Time"	James Widdoes	Story by : Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	April 14, 2008 (2008-04-14)	13.94[113]
111	15	"Rough Night in Hump Junction"	James Widdoes	Story by : Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	April 21, 2008 (2008-04-21)	13.36[114]
112	16	"Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty"	Joel Zwick	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster & Susan Beavers	April 28, 2008 (2008-04-28)	12.92[115]
113	17	"Fish in a Drawer"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Carol Mendelsohn & Naren Shankar Teleplay by : Sarah Goldfinger & Evan Dunsky	May 5, 2008 (2008-05-05)	13.61[116]
114	18	"If My Hole Could Talk"	Jon Cryer	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Mark Roberts	May 12, 2008 (2008-05-12)	13.82[117]
115	19	"Waiting for the Right Snapper"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Lee Aronsohn & Chuck Lorre	May 19, 2008 (2008-05-19)	14.70[118]

Season 6 (2008–09)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 6

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
116	1	"Taterhead is Our Love Child"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Jim Patterson	September 22, 2008 (2008-09-22)	14.88[119]
117	2	"Pie Hole, Herb"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers	September 29, 2008 (2008-09-29)	13.58[120]
118	3	"Damn You, Eggs Benedict"	Jean Sagal	Story by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	October 6, 2008 (2008-10-06)	14.07[121]
119	4	"The Flavin' and the Mavin'"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	October 13, 2008 (2008-10-13)	14.72[122]
120	5	"A Jock Strap in Hell"	Jean Sagal	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers	October 20, 2008 (2008-10-20)	14.63[123]
121	6	"It's Always Nazi Week"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Jim Patterson	November 3, 2008 (2008-11-03)	12.76[124]
122	7	"Best H.O. Money Can Buy"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	November 10, 2008 (2008-11-10)	14.50[125]
123	8	"Pinocchio's Mouth"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Jim Patterson	November 17, 2008 (2008-11-17)	15.18[126]
124	9	"The Mooch at the Boo"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers	November 24, 2008 (2008-11-24)	14.95[127]
125	10	"He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Susan Beavers	December 8, 2008 (2008-12-08)	15.59[128]
126	11	"The Devil's Lube"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	December 15, 2008 (2008-12-15)	17.92[129]
127	12	"Thank God for Scoliosis"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts	January 12, 2009 (2009-01-12)	17.10[130]
128	13	"I Think You Offended Don"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster & Jim Patterson	January 19, 2009 (2009-01-19)	16.09[131]
129	14	"David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Jim Patterson	February 2, 2009 (2009-02-02)	16.55[132]
130	15	"I'd Like to Start with the Cat"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Susan Beavers	February 9, 2009 (2009-02-09)	15.00[133]
131	16	"She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime"	Jeff Melman	Story by : Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	March 2, 2009 (2009-03-02)	15.47[134]
132	17	"The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?"	James Widdoes	Story by : Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster	March 9, 2009 (2009-03-09)	13.44[135]
133	18	"My Son's Enormous Head"	James Widdoes	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky	March 16, 2009 (2009-03-16)	14.12[136]
134	19	"The Two Finger Rule"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	March 30, 2009 (2009-03-30)	14.56[137]
135	20	"Hello, I am Alan Cousteau"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky	April 13, 2009 (2009-04-13)	15.03[138]
136	21	"Above Exalted Cyclops"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	April 27, 2009 (2009-04-27)	14.16[139]
137	22	"Sir Lancelot's Litter Box"	Jon Cryer	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	May 4, 2009 (2009-05-04)	14.17[140]
138	23	"Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth"	Mark Roberts	Story by : Don Foster & Sid Youngers Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Eddie Gorodetsky	May 11, 2009 (2009-05-11)	13.11[141]
139	24	"Baseball Was Better with Steroids"	Lee Aronsohn	Story by : Mark Roberts & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	May 18, 2009 (2009-05-18)	16.18[142]

Season 7 (2009–10)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 7

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
140	1	"818-jklpuzo"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster & Susan Beavers	September 21, 2009 (2009-09-21)	13.63[143]
141	2	"Whipped Unto the Third Generation"	James Widdoes	Mark Roberts	September 28, 2009 (2009-09-28)	13.86[144]
142	3	"Mmm, Fish. Yum."	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	October 5, 2009 (2009-10-05)	13.30[145]
143	4	"Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator"	James Widdoes	Story by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts	October 12, 2009 (2009-10-12)	14.17[146]
144	5	"For the Sake of the Child"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Jim Patterson	October 19, 2009 (2009-10-19)	14.07[147]
145	6	"Give Me Your Thumb"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : David Richardson	November 2, 2009 (2009-11-02)	13.51[148]
146	7	"Untainted by Filth"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	November 9, 2009 (2009-11-09)	14.44[149]
147	8	"Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle."	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	November 16, 2009 (2009-11-16)	13.69[150]
148	9	"Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts	November 23, 2009 (2009-11-23)	13.88[151]
149	10	"That's Why They Call It Ball Room"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	December 7, 2009 (2009-12-07)	14.84[152]
150	11	"Warning, It's Dirty"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Foster	December 14, 2009 (2009-12-14)	16.37[153]
151	12	"Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts & Don Foster Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & David Richardson	January 11, 2010 (2010-01-11)	17.27[154]
152	13	"Yay, No Polyps!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Jim Patterson	January 18, 2010 (2010-01-18)	16.31[155]
153	14	"Crude and Uncalled For"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky	February 1, 2010 (2010-02-01)	16.51[156]
154	15	"Aye, Aye, Captain Douche"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Jim Patterson	February 8, 2010 (2010-02-08)	17.66[157]
155	16	"Tinkle Like a Princess"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Jim Patterson	March 1, 2010 (2010-03-01)	16.86[158]
156	17	"I Found Your Moustache"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	March 8, 2010 (2010-03-08)	17.61[159]
157	18	"Ixnay on the Oggie Day"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts	March 22, 2010 (2010-03-22)	14.46[160]
158	19	"Keith Moon is Vomiting in His Grave"	James Widdoes	Story by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	April 12, 2010 (2010-04-12)	13.71[161]
159	20	"I Called Him Magoo"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Susan Beavers	May 10, 2010 (2010-05-10)	13.86[162]
160	21	"Gumby with a Pokey"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers & David Richardson Teleplay by : Mark Roberts & Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	May 17, 2010 (2010-05-17)	13.28[163]
161	22	"This is Not Gonna End Well"	Lee Aronsohn	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts & Don Foster Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson & David Richardson	May 24, 2010 (2010-05-24)	15.46[164]

Season 8 (2010–11)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 8

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
162	1	"Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky	September 20, 2010 (2010-09-20)	14.65[165]
163	2	"A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	September 27, 2010 (2010-09-27)	13.92[166]
164	3	"A Pudding-Filled Cactus"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & David Richardson Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers	October 4, 2010 (2010-10-04)	14.37[167]
165	4	"Hookers, Hookers, Hookers"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Jim Patterson	October 11, 2010 (2010-10-11)	13.47[168]
166	5	"The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	October 18, 2010 (2010-10-18)	13.54[169]
167	6	"Twanging Your Magic Clanger"	James Widdoes	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Foster Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	October 25, 2010 (2010-10-25)	13.77[170]
168	7	"The Crazy Bitch Gazette"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Don Foster & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	November 1, 2010 (2010-11-01)	13.64[171]
169	8	"Springtime on a Stick"	James Widdoes	Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	November 8, 2010 (2010-11-08)	13.63[172]
170	9	"A Good Time in Central Africa"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	November 15, 2010 (2010-11-15)	14.25[173]
171	10	"Ow, Ow, Don't Stop"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Reo & David Richardson	November 22, 2010 (2010-11-22)	14.39[174]
172	11	"Dead from the Waist Down"	James Widdoes	Story by : Susan Beavers & David Richardson & Don Reo Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	December 6, 2010 (2010-12-06)	13.41[175]
173	12	"Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	December 13, 2010 (2010-12-13)	13.95[176]
174	13	"Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup"[177]	James Widdoes	Story by : Alissa Neubauer Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Don Reo & David Richardson	January 3, 2011 (2011-01-03)	15.36[178]
175	14	"Lookin' for Japanese Subs"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson	January 17, 2011 (2011-01-17)	15.56[179]
176	15	"Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak"	James Widdoes	Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	February 7, 2011 (2011-02-07)	15.15[180]
177	16	"That Darn Priest"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & David Richardson & Don Reo	February 14, 2011 (2011-02-14)	14.51[181]

Season 9 (2011–12)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 9

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
178	1	"Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt"	James Widdoes	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	September 19, 2011 (2011-09-19)	28.74[182]
179	2	"People Who Love Peepholes"	James Widdoes	Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	September 26, 2011 (2011-09-26)	20.52[183]
180	3	"Big Girls Don't Throw Food"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Andrew J. B. Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	October 3, 2011 (2011-10-03)	17.71[184]
181	4	"Nine Magic Fingers"	James Widdoes	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	October 10, 2011 (2011-10-10)	16.20[185]
182	5	"A Giant Cat Holding a Churro"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Reo & David Richardson	October 17, 2011 (2011-10-17)	15.14[186]
183	6	"The Squat and the Hover"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Reo & David Richardson	October 24, 2011 (2011-10-24)	15.29[187]
184	7	"Those Fancy Japanese Toilets"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	October 31, 2011 (2011-10-31)	13.90[188]
185	8	"Thank You for the Intercourse"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	November 7, 2011 (2011-11-07)	14.71[189]
186	9	"Frodo's Headshots"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Susan Beavers & Don Reo & David Richardson	November 14, 2011 (2011-11-14)	14.77[190]
187	10	"A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Gemma Baker Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	November 21, 2011 (2011-11-21)	15.82[191]
188	11	"What a Lovely Landing Strip"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo	December 5, 2011 (2011-12-05)	15.18[192]
189	12	"One False Move, Zimbabwe!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky & Don Reo	December 12, 2011 (2011-12-12)	14.88[193]
190	13	"Slowly and in a Circular Fashion"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Ashton Kutcher Teleplay by : Lee Aronsohn & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	January 2, 2012 (2012-01-02)	13.94[194]
191	14	"A Possum on Chemo"	James Widdoes	Story by : Susan Beavers & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson	January 16, 2012 (2012-01-16)	13.02[195]
192	15	"The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo	February 6, 2012 (2012-02-06)	13.00[196]
193	16	"Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy"	James Widdoes	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	February 13, 2012 (2012-02-13)	12.45[197]
194	17	"Not in My Mouth!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	February 20, 2012 (2012-02-20)	13.33[198]
195	18	"The War Against Gingivitis"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo	February 27, 2012 (2012-02-27)	11.92[199]
196	19	"Palmdale, Ech"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo	March 19, 2012 (2012-03-19)	11.47[200]
197	20	"Grandma's Pie"	James Widdoes	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn	April 9, 2012 (2012-04-09)	10.40[201]
198	21	"Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'"	James Widdoes	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo	April 16, 2012 (2012-04-16)	11.22[202]
199	22	"Why We Gave Up Women"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo	April 30, 2012 (2012-04-30)	11.32[203]
200	23	"The Straw in My Donut Hole"	James Widdoes	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Susan Beavers	May 7, 2012 (2012-05-07)	11.43[204]
201	24	"Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn Teleplay by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Jim Patterson & Don Reo	May 14, 2012 (2012-05-14)	11.55[205]

Season 10 (2012–13)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 10

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
202	1	"I Changed My Mind About the Milk"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson	September 27, 2012 (2012-09-27)	12.54[206]
203	2	"A Big Bag of Dog"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky	October 4, 2012 (2012-10-04)	12.33[207]
204	3	"Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky	October 11, 2012 (2012-10-11)	11.35[208]
205	4	"You Do Know What the Lollipop's For"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Alissa Neubauer Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky	October 18, 2012 (2012-10-18)	13.60[209]
206	5	"That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam"	James Widdoes	Story by : Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo & Jim Patterson	October 25, 2012 (2012-10-25)	12.94[210]
207	6	"Ferrets, Attack!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky & Matt Ross & Max Searle	November 1, 2012 (2012-11-01)	12.65[211]
208	7	"Avoid the Chinese Mustard"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Gemma Baker Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky	November 8, 2012 (2012-11-08)	14.07[212]
209	8	"Something My Gynecologist Said"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Don Reo & Eddie Gorodetsky	November 15, 2012 (2012-11-15)	13.87[213]
210	9	"I Scream When I Pee"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky & Steve Tompkins	November 29, 2012 (2012-11-29)	13.74[214]
211	10	"One Nut Johnson"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Chuck Lorre & Steve Tompkins & Alissa Neubauer	December 6, 2012 (2012-12-06)	13.50[215]
212	11	"Give Santa a Tail-Hole"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Matt Ross & Max Searle Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky	December 13, 2012 (2012-12-13)	13.35[216]
213	12	"Welcome to Alancrest"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo & Steve Tompkins Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan McMartin	January 3, 2013 (2013-01-03)	15.41[217]
214	13	"Grab a Feather and Get in Line"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky & Gemma Baker Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Alissa Neubauer	January 10, 2013 (2013-01-10)	14.40[218]
215	14	"Run, Steven Staven! Run!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Don Reo & Eddie Gorodetsky & Steve Tompkins	January 31, 2013 (2013-01-31)	13.70[219]
216	15	"Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Matt Ross & Max Searle	February 7, 2013 (2013-02-07)	14.12[220]
217	16	"Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Eddie Gorodetsky & Alissa Neubauer Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Don Reo & Steve Tompkins	February 14, 2013 (2013-02-14)	13.69[221]
218	17	"Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson & Nick Bakay Teleplay by : Don Reo & Eddie Gorodetsky & Gemma Baker	February 21, 2013 (2013-02-21)	13.41[222]
219	18	"The 9:04 from Pemberton"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Don Reo & Steve Tompkins & Alissa Neubauer	March 7, 2013 (2013-03-07)	13.54[223]
220	19	"Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo & Gemma Baker Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan McMartin	March 14, 2013 (2013-03-14)	12.18[224]
221	20	"Bazinga! That's from a TV Show"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Don Reo & Matt Ross & Max Searle	April 4, 2013 (2013-04-04)	13.71[225]
222	21	"Another Night with Neil Diamond"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo & Steve Tompkins Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky & Nick Bakay	April 25, 2013 (2013-04-25)	11.32[226]
223	22	"My Bodacious Vidalia"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky Teleplay by : Gemma Baker & Matt Ross & Max Searle	May 2, 2013 (2013-05-02)	12.12[227]
224	23	"Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Alissa Neubauer & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Eddie Gorodetsky	May 9, 2013 (2013-05-09)	12.83[228]

Season 11 (2013–14)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 11

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
225	1	"Nangnangnangnang"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins	September 26, 2013 (2013-09-26)	11.59[229]
226	2	"I Think I Banged Lucille Ball"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Alissa Neubauer Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Jeff Lowell	October 3, 2013 (2013-10-03)	9.34[230]
227	3	"This Unblessed Biscuit"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Don Reo & Matt Ross & Max Searle	October 10, 2013 (2013-10-10)	9.14[231]
228	4	"Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Don Reo & Steve Tompkins	October 17, 2013 (2013-10-17)	8.59[232]
229	5	"Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003"	James Widdoes	Story by : Steve Tompkins & Alissa Neubauer & Don Reo Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Jeff Lowell & Jim Vallely	October 24, 2013 (2013-10-24)	8.53[233]
230	6	"Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Susan McMartin & Jon Cryer Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Tim Kelleher & Jeff Lowell	November 7, 2013 (2013-11-07)	8.27[234]
231	7	"Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie"	James Widdoes	Story by : Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins & Jeff Lowell Teleplay by : Don Reo & Matt Ross & Max Searle	November 14, 2013 (2013-11-14)	8.66[235]
232	8	"Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room."	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins Teleplay by : Don Reo & Susan McMartin & Saladin K. Patterson	November 21, 2013 (2013-11-21)	8.69[236]
233	9	"Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Tim Kelleher & Nathan Chetty Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Saladin K. Patterson & Jim Valley	December 5, 2013 (2013-12-05)	8.47[237]
234	10	"On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Jeff Lowell Teleplay by : Saladin K. Patterson & Matt Ross & Max Searle	December 12, 2013 (2013-12-12)	8.54[238]
235	11	"Tazed in the Lady Nuts"	James Widdoes	Story by : Tim Kelleher & Jeff Lowell & Jim Vallely Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins	January 2, 2014 (2014-01-02)	8.74[239]
236	12	"Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball."	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Susan McMartin & Leslie Shapira Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Matt Ross & Max Searle	January 9, 2014 (2014-01-09)	9.58[240]
237	13	"Bite Me, Supreme Court"	James Widdoes	Story by : Tim Kelleher & Jeff Lowell & Jim Vallely Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins	January 30, 2014 (2014-01-30)	8.86[241]
238	14	"Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Maria Espada Pearce Teleplay by : Steve Tompkins & Saladin K. Patterson & Susan McMartin	February 6, 2014 (2014-02-06)	8.32[242]
239	15	"Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin"	James Widdoes	Story by : Jim Patterson & Tim Kelleher & Jim Vallely Teleplay by : Don Reo & Matt Ross & Max Searle	February 27, 2014 (2014-02-27)	10.02[243]
240	16	"How to Get Rid of Alan Harper"	James Widdoes	Story by : Saladin K. Patterson & Jim Vallely & Leslie Schapira Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Jeff Lowell	March 6, 2014 (2014-03-06)	10.38[244]
241	17	"Welcome Home, Jake"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Saladin K. Patterson Teleplay by : Tim Kelleher & Matt Ross & Max Searle	March 13, 2014 (2014-03-13)	9.43[245]
242	18	"West Side Story"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Susan McMartin Teleplay by : Jeff Lowell & Matt Ross & Max Searle	April 3, 2014 (2014-04-03)	9.23[246]
243	19	"Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang"	James Widdoes	Story by : Jeff Lowell & Matt Ross & Max Searle Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins	April 10, 2014 (2014-04-10)	9.55[247]
244	20	"Lotta Delis in Little Armenia"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Steve Tompkins & Saladin K. Patterson Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Tim Kelleher & Jim Vallely	April 24, 2014 (2014-04-24)	9.35[248]
245	21	"Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT"	James Widdoes	Story by : Jim Patterson & Matt Ross & Max Searle Teleplay by : Don Reo & Steve Tompkins & Susan McMartin	May 1, 2014 (2014-05-01)	8.97[249]
246	22	"Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Tim Kelleher & Jim Vallely Teleplay by : Steve Tompkins & Jeff Lowell & Matt Ross & Max Searle	May 8, 2014 (2014-05-08)	8.35[250]

Season 12 (2014–15)

Main article: Two and a Half Men season 12

No. overall	No. in season	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original release date	U.S. viewers (millions)
247	1	"The Ol' Mexican Spinach"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn & Warren Bell Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins	October 30, 2014 (2014-10-30)	10.29[251]
248	2	"A Chic Bar in Ibiza"	James Widdoes	Story by : Lee Aronsohn & Don Reo & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Tim Kelleher & Saladin K. Patterson & Jim Vallely	November 6, 2014 (2014-11-06)	9.12[252]
249	3	"Glamping in a Yurt"	James Widdoes	Story by : Saladin K. Patterson & Matt Ross & Max Searle Teleplay by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Jim Vallely	November 13, 2014 (2014-11-13)	8.75[253]
250	4	"Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins Teleplay by : Warren Bell & Matt Ross & Max Searle	November 20, 2014 (2014-11-20)	8.62[254]
251	5	"Oontz. Oontz. Oontz."	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo & Steve Tompkins & Warren Bell Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Tim Kelleher & Saladin K. Patterson	November 27, 2014 (2014-11-27)	6.93[255]
252	6	"Alan Shot a Little Girl"	Jon Cryer	Story by : Don Reo & Maria Espada Pearce & Nathan Chetty Teleplay by : Jim Patterson & Steve Tompkins & Warren Bell	December 4, 2014 (2014-12-04)	8.10[256]
253	7	"Sex with an Animated Ed Asner"	James Widdoes	Story by : Jim Patterson & Jim Vallely & Tim Kelleher Teleplay by : Don Reo & Matt Ross & Max Searle	December 11, 2014 (2014-12-11)	9.30[257]
254	8	"Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey"	James Widdoes	Story by : Warren Bell, Saladin K. Patterson, & Jim Vallely Teleplay by : Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Steve Thompkins	December 18, 2014 (2014-12-18)	8.80[258]
255	9	"Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey"	James Widdoes	Story by : Jim Patterson, Tim Kelleher, & Saladin K. Patterson Teleplay by : Don Reo, Matt Ross, & Max Searle	January 8, 2015 (2015-01-08)	10.07[259]
256	10	"Here I Come, Pants!"	James Widdoes	Story by : Chuck Lorre, Don Reo, & Jim Patterson Teleplay by : Tim Kelleher, Matt Ross, & Max Searle	January 15, 2015 (2015-01-15)	9.38[260]
257	11	"For Whom the Booty Calls"	James Widdoes	Story by : Warren Bell, Saladin K. Patterson, & Jim Vallely Teleplay by : Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Steve Tompkins	January 22, 2015 (2015-01-22)	9.31[261]
258	12	"A Beer-Battered Rip-Off"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo, Jim Patterson, & Jeff Lowell Teleplay by : Matt Ross, Max Searle, & Nathan Chetty	January 29, 2015 (2015-01-29)	9.71[262]
259	13	"Boompa Loved His Hookers"	James Widdoes	Story by : Steve Tompkins, Warren Bell & Jeff Lowell Teleplay by : Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Nathan Chetty	February 5, 2015 (2015-02-05)	9.39[263]
260	14	"Don't Give a Monkey a Gun"	James Widdoes	Story by : Don Reo, Jim Patterson & Tim Kelleher Teleplay by : Jim Vallely, Matt Ross & Max Searle	February 12, 2015 (2015-02-12)	9.33[264]
261	15	"Of Course He's Dead"	James Widdoes	Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Don Reo & Jim Patterson	February 19, 2015 (2015-02-19)	13.52[265]
262	16

Ratings

Season		Episode number
		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	19	20	21	22	23	24
	1	18.44	16.18	14.82	14.73	15.24	15.82	16.02	15.82	15.98	17.14	14.77	16.75	17.86	16.48	16.96	17.39	16.48	17.10	16.43	14.58	16.20	16.01	15.20	18.16
	2	16.44	16.44	16.43	17.15	16.28	17.25	16.04	17.47	18.94	17.88	16.22	18.03	18.14	17.01	16.75	16.78	17.50	17.45	15.92	17.13	17.93	17.96	24.24	14.37
	3	15.04	14.37	14.21	15.24	15.56	16.77	16.19	15.17	15.74	16.53	17.71	17.20	17.07	16.33	17.04	17.06	17.37	16.72	14.05	14.47	14.31	14.87	11.04	15.51
	4	15.04	15.28	15.80	16.38	16.25	15.03	14.48	15.83	15.04	15.50	15.69	14.78	15.85	17.68	15.50	16.56	16.58	11.68	13.46	13.03	12.27	13.71	13.27	10.16
	5	13.58	13.24	13.02	13.69	13.94	13.73	13.80	14.12	13.92	15.26	14.06	14.23	14.50	13.94	13.36	12.91	13.61	13.82	14.70	–
	6	14.88	13.58	14.07	14.72	14.63	12.76	14.50	15.18	14.95	15.59	17.92	17.10	16.09	16.55	15.00	15.47	13.44	14.12	14.56	15.03	14.16	14.17	13.11	16.18
	7	13.63	13.86	13.07	14.17	14.07	13.51	14.44	13.69	13.91	14.84	16.37	17.27	16.20	16.51	17.16	16.86	17.61	14.46	13.71	13.86	13.28	15.46	–
	8	14.56	13.92	14.37	13.47	13.54	13.77	13.64	13.63	14.25	14.39	13.41	13.45	15.36	15.56	15.15	14.51	–
	9	28.74	20.52	17.71	16.20	15.14	15.29	13.90	14.71	14.77	15.82	15.18	14.88	13.94	13.02	13.00	12.45	13.33	11.92	11.47	10.40	11.22	11.32	11.43	11.55
	10	12.54	12.33	11.35	13.60	12.94	12.65	14.07	13.87	13.74	13.50	13.35	15.41	14.40	13.70	14.12	13.69	13.41	13.54	12.18	13.71	11.32	12.12	12.83	–
	11	11.59	9.34	9.14	8.59	8.53	8.27	8.66	8.69	8.47	8.54	8.74	9.58	8.86	8.32	10.02	10.38	9.43	9.23	9.55	9.35	8.97	8.35	–
	12	10.29	9.12	8.75	8.62	6.93	8.10	9.30	8.80	10.07	9.38	9.31	9.71	9.39	9.33	13.52	13.52	–

Two and a Half Men : U.S. viewers per episode (millions)

Audience measurement performed by Nielsen Media Research^{[citation needed]}