Jewish etiquette From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jewish customs of etiquette, known simply as Derekh Eretz (Hebrew: דרך ארץ, lit. 'way of the land'),[a] or what is a Hebrew idiom used to describe etiquette, is understood as the order and manner of conduct of man in the presence of other men;[1][2] being a set of social norms drawn from the world of human interactions. In the Talmud and Midrashic literature there are many things on this subject, some of which having the same rigid application of the Torah itself,[1] while others pertain to the customs in the synagogues, or at the dinner table.
Jewish etiquette is a complex system of mores and manners that have been agreed upon by the community, and which seeks to delineate an acceptable standard of social laws governing the expectations of personal conduct with respect to one's fellow Jew and/or Gentile, or environment. Ancient Jewish communities throughout the world have preserved a well-documented system of etiquette, and are believed to have mimicked the social order once universally practised by all Jews in former times.[3] Common forms of etiquette can be subdivided into four categories: a) etiquette expected of seminar students (talmid ḥakham); b) etiquette expected of the elderly; c) etiquette expected of ordinary people; and d) etiquette expected of women.[4] However, today, many of these social norms are being lost to the community, due to their mixing with the larger community of Jewish immigrants, and the coalescing of these diverse ethnic groups. Etiquette, therefore, is largely dependent upon the place, the time, and upon the kind of man he is.[5]
Jews in ancient times adhered to strict codes of conduct, where custom played an important role in the way they would interact with one another; with an emphasis on decorum (good manners), respect and politeness, as well as on virtues and vices. The precursor for Jewish social etiquette dates back to antiquity, and has been documented in one of the Minor Tractates, known as Derech Ereẓ (Manners), the name of a treatise attached to Talmud editions, divided into Rabba (Large) and Zuta (Small). The early rabbinic work is a testimony of how Jewish etiquette has maintained its own unique, strict code of customs throughout the centuries, although in some cases (e.g. Jewish etiquette in the bath-house), such rules can be traced back to ancient Roman practices.[6] In fact, some ancient practices were so widespread that a Jewish dictum is typically cited in its recognition: "Decorum came before the giving of the Law,"[7] meaning, one cannot personify Torah until he demonstrates common courtesy and decorum (derech ereẓ) in everything that he does. In the Talmud and Midrash, there are approximately 200 teachings concerning derech eretz as decent, polite, respectful, thoughtful, and civilized behavior,[8] as well as a Minor Tractate (Derech Ereẓ) specifically treating on these issues. They define and delineate the difference between conduct and behavior that is malum in se, malum prohibitum, and good practice. Sometimes ethical codes include sections that are meant to give firm rules, but some offer only general guidance, while at other times the words are merely aspirational. Jewish etiquette can easily be divided into sub-categories: table etiquette,[9] dress etiquette,[9] speech etiquette, writing etiquette,[10] etc.
Rabbi Nathan says: No love excels the love of the Torah, and no wisdom excels the wisdom of human interactions (derekh eretz).[11][b]
A collection known as Hilkot Derekh Ereẓ existed even in the school of Rabbi Akiva (Berakhot 22a); but, as the term "Hilkot" indicates, it was composed entirely of short sentences and rules of behavior and custom, without any references to Jewish Scripture and tradition. Some rules of etiquette are supposed by the Rabbis to have been laid down by the Bible itself. Moses modestly uses the plural in saying to Joshua, "Choose for us men and go fight with Amalek" (Exodus 17:9), though he referred only to himself.[9] By this, the rabbis learnt that whenever a wise man speaks to his congregation, he does not speak in the language of "I" but in the language of "we", so as not to be condescending.[13] This is also the practice of authors or newspaper editors when writing lead articles, speaking in the language of "we."[13]
The most basic of biblical tenets and which touch on good manners is the command to stand up before an old man (Leviticus 19:32),[14][15][c] particularly, before one who is learned in the Torah.[22] Later, in rabbinic tradition, proper etiquette extended even to the place one takes when walking, in relation to one's superiors. For example, if there were three people walking together, the rabbi takes up the middle position, while he that is esteemed greater than one's self (2nd in rank) takes up the right-most position, while the person who is least amongst them takes up the left-most position.[1] Another of the rabbinic teachings is the importance given to the right-hand side. For instance, at every turn that a man turns, he should strive only to make a right turn, etc.[1] Moreover, whenever one is scheduled to meet with a great and respectable man, before going to such a meeting, he is supposed to change his clothes, and dress appropriately for the occasion.[1]
As in other societies, the social structure and conduct of Jews were reinforced by the element of shame.[23] The Talmud names three characteristic traits that are exemplary of the Jewish people as a whole, saying that they are distinguished by being 'merciful, shamefaced and benevolent'.[24] In general, the principle of a shame culture, or the fear of being brought to shame, or of gaining a social stigma resulting in social alienation by his peers, or, in extreme cases, family estrangement if caught being disrespectful or engaging in any misconduct, were the chief factors that preserved social order and conduct.[25] At the same time, the people of Israel are admonished not to bring their fellow Jew to public shame, but to safeguard his personal dignity.[26][d]
Good manners are often associated with one's manner of speech, while people of refined characters will not shout or scream when speaking, nor will they raise their voices excessively.[27] In addition, persons of refined characters will shun any appearance of wrongdoing.[28] For example, they will avoid making a phone call in a public bar and nightclub, if their mere entrance into that bar and nightclub will bring them into ill-repute.
One's manner of speech has always played a major role in Jewish etiquette, a manner of speech that is meant to highlight one's more refined and urbane character traits, and where it is mainly guided by respect, humility and modesty. In some cultures this is known as "beautified speech," or "elegant speech."
A sign of Hebrew literary excellence is the ability of speakers to interweave in their daily conversation verses taken from the Hebrew Bible, such that "the language is rife with biblical allusions, that is, the insertion of verses and parts of verses into their speech, a phenomenon that is common and seen as a humorous rhetorical device."[36] These interjections are usually "in response to an existing situation, or they would say a verse with deliberate distortion to suit a specific event."[36]
Typically, religious Jews will not make use of vulgar language.[37] This was seen as essential in adding refinement to one's manner of speech. If, in a conversation, there was a need to mention one's privy place, they would seek the least offensive way of saying so. The vestiges of ancient etiquette have also revealed themselves in their manner of expressions or utterances. In what follows are a few examples:
The colloquy used by religious Jews in their every-day speech is rich in various body gestures and nuances, each with an intimation and meaning of its own.[36] Some of them are very old, and their memorial comes up in early literary sources:
Although tables were not in common use in ancient Israel, as most families gathered to eat while reclining on the floor and eating from a common dish or bowl, still, table manners were seen at that place.
Clothing, as anchored in Jewish law, is often a sign of one's identity, and plays an important role in preserving a social hierarchy, as well as to distinguish between religious groups, age, gender, and more.[96] For women and girls, in particular, it has the additional function of instilling in them the rule of discipline and the principle of restraint, of modesty and submission to authority.[96]
In the language register employed by the Jews of Yemen there are preserved ancient linguistic patterns, especially in the field of blessings and good wishes. These expressions are mostly in Hebrew, since the well-wishers hoped to add some degree of sanctity to their words, for which cause, they drew such words from the vocabulary of their ancestors and repeated them in the holy tongue. The most ancient of these can be found in the corpus of Midrashic literature, while the most recent date back to the period of the Middle-Ages and to the Cairo Geniza fragments. The language of the Torah in Yemenite Jewish communities has not come down to us in the form of "thank you" (Modern Hebrew: תודה), or "thank you very much," but rather, "may you be blessed" (ברוך תהיה = borūkh tehiyeh), or "may he be blessed," or "may they be blessed." Such expressions are used in the writings of the Geonim. The Gaon, Rabbi Samuel ben ʿAli, in one of his letters, says about those communities who lend support to the Babylonian academies, "And concerning those communities, may they be blessed."[84]
Rabbi and ethnographer, Jacob Sapir (1822–1886), who visited Yemen's Jewish community in 1859, noted certain expressions in widespread use among the Jews there, and wrote of his impressions on this wise:
While Sapir thought it was inappropriate or excessive conduct to mention God's name or one of his attributes in greeting, the Yemenite Jews held that the practice was completely valid, based on a teaching in the Talmud (Berakhoth 54a), which says: "They made it an enactment that a man greet his neighbor by employing God's name, etc."[104]
Formal writing is a prominent feature in early Jewish letters of communication, in which the opening lines are usually styled in a rhymed, flowery speech, and one that usually praises its recipient. A few of the more common forms of rhymed addresses in a letter's opening are as follows:
Such expressions, mostly used as valedictions in letters of communication before signing one's name, are common with the Jewish nation. The idea behind such words is to show humility, and to always bear in mind the rabbinic admonition: "Be exceedingly lowly in spirit."[119] The most typical of these expressions are as follows:
The common practice is to sign one's name, "so-and-so" the son of "so-and-so." Occasionally, the signatories will make use of the abbreviated expression, (יצ"ו = yišmǝro ṣūro wiyoṣǝro), meaning, "May his Rock and Creator preserve him," instead of the typical ending, "He that is but mire and clay." On other occasions, especially in court documents (e.g. title-deeds), one's deceased father's name is signed with the addition of (יש"ל = yǝḥī šǝmo le-ʻolam), meaning, "May his name live forever."[122][123]
Avoiding the affects of the "evil eye" was part and parcel of Jewish etiquette.[81] The superstitious belief in the affects of the "evil eye" was so pervasive in many Jewish cultures that they would say for a beautiful maiden that she was (בְּלָאָה = belo'oh), literally meaning "rag," rather than say she was a beauty, so that she would not be ill-affected by the evil-eye. The word used here is Arabic, equivalent to the Hebrew סְחָבָה. (The same idea is used in the Scripture when referring to Moses having taken an "Ethiopian woman," and whom Rashi in his commentary on Numbers 12:1 says, by way of an exegesis, was actually a very beautiful woman.)[124][125]
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