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An affair is a relationship typically between two people, one or both of whom are either married or in a long-term relationship with someone else. The affair can be solely sexual or solely physical or solely emotional – or a combination of these. People who involve themselves in affairs do so out of the need for just sex, an intimate relationship, passionate attachment or a combination, which is often referred to as a "soul tie".
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Relationships are considered to be contracts. They may be a formal one like marriage – consisting of both a verbal and written contract, or an informal one – consisting of only verbal contract. Because most affairs are clandestine in nature, an affair breaks those contracts. Clandestine affairs can commonly cause feelings of betrayal to the other person in the primary relationship. Ironically, affairs themselves are also contracted relationships and come with numerous stipulations and rules.
An affair is different from a "fling" in that it is usually long-term. The word for the most-likely unmarried partner in an affair is the gender-neutral French "paramour". Affairs are often emotionally lopsided in that paramour will be the only one to heavily invest themselves into the affair.
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A romantic affair, also called an affair of the heart, may refer to a sexual liaison or more emotional relationship between two people who may have sex without expecting a more formal romantic relationship, an affair is by its nature a lie. [1][unbalanced opinion?]
The term affair may also describe part of an agreement within an open marriage or open relationship, such as swinging, dating, or polyamory, in which some forms of sex with one's non-primary partner(s) are permitted and other forms are not. Participants in open relationships, including unmarried couples and polyamorous families, may consider sanctioned affairs the norm, but when a non-sanctioned affair occurs, it is described as infidelity and maybe experienced as adultery, or a betrayal both of trust and integrity, even though to most people it would not be considered illicit.
When romantic affairs lack both overt and covert sexual behavior, yet exhibit intense or enduring emotional intimacy, it may also be referred to as an emotional affair, platonic love, or a romantic friendship.
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Extramarital affairs are relationships outside of marriage where an illicit romantic or sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment occurs.[2]
An affair can continue in one form or another for years, even as one of the partners in that affair passes through marriage, divorce, and remarriage. This could be considered the primary relationship, with the marriage secondary to it. Several people claim the reason for an extramarital affair is their unsuccessful marriage where both spouses fail to please each other. This may be serial polygamy or other forms of nonmonogamy.[3]
The ability to pursue serial and clandestine extramarital affairs while safeguarding other secrets and conflict of interest inherent in the practice, requires skill in deception and duplicitous negotiation. Even to hide one affair requires a degree of skill or malicious gaslighting. All these behaviors are more usually called lying.[4]
Deception can be defined as the "covert manipulation of perception to alter thoughts, feelings, or beliefs". The presence of deception may indicate the degree to which the deceiver has breached fundamental conditions of fidelity, reciprocal vulnerability, and transparency. Sometimes these are explicit or assumed pre-conditions of a committed intimate relationship.[5]
Individuals having affairs with married men or women can be prosecuted for adultery in some jurisdictions and can be sued by the jilted spouses in others, or named as 'co-respondents' in divorce proceedings. As of 2009, eight U.S. states permitted such alienation of affections lawsuits.[6] Affairs with the consent of their significant others may not be considered infidelity or adultery.[citation needed]
Extramarital Affairs in Different Cultures and Legal Systems
Extramarital affairs are viewed and treated differently across various cultures and legal systems, reflecting distinct social norms, religious beliefs, and legal frameworks. In some countries, extramarital affairs are strictly condemned and can lead to serious legal or social consequences, while in others they are more socially accepted or legally tolerated.
Islamic Jurisprudence and Legal Standards
According to classical Islamic jurisprudence, testimony for the crime of adultery must be provided by at least four male Muslim witnesses. Some legal schools allow the substitution of up to three male witnesses with six female witnesses, but at least one witness must be male. The witnesses must be of sound mind, reliable character, and unrelated to the involved parties. This legal system emphasizes the sanctity of marriage and regards infidelity as a severe breach of religious and moral principles. [7]
Legal Treatment in Iran
In some countries like Iran, extramarital affairs (zinā) are considered serious offenses and can result in punishments such as flogging or, in some cases, stoning, depending on the evidence and circumstances. [8] Stoning has historically been used as a punishment for adultery in some cases, particularly for married offenders.In one notable case, Iran carried out the stoning of two men convicted of adultery in Mashhad, as confirmed by judiciary spokesman Ali Reza Jamshidi. Despite a 2002 directive from Iran’s judiciary imposing a moratorium on stoning and its subsequent removal from the draft penal code, some stoning sentences have continued to be implemented. The most recent reported stoning execution took place in 2007. International human rights organizations have criticized stoning as a punitive measure, describing it as a "grotesque" practice that intensifies the suffering of those sentenced. [9]
Alienation of Affection Lawsuits in North Carolina
In North Carolina, an alienation of affection lawsuit is still legally recognized. A spouse who believes their marriage has been damaged due to the interference of a third party can sue for financial damages. The lawsuit claims that the third party’s actions disrupted the marital relationship, leading to the breakdown of affection between the plaintiff and their spouse. North Carolina law does not require proof of extramarital sex; the plaintiff must demonstrate that genuine affection existed within the marriage and that the third party’s wrongful and malicious actions led to the alienation of that affection. Damages can include both economic and non-economic compensation, such as loss of earnings or emotional distress. [10]
French Political Culture and Extramarital Affairs
In some cases, extramarital affairs among the French elite and politicians have been regarded as private matters and have not significantly impacted their political careers. For instance, François Mitterrand, former president of France, maintained a long-term relationship outside his marriage and fathered a daughter with his mistress. Although the affair was known within political circles, it remained largely undisclosed to the public until after his death, with minimal effect on his political reputation. This reflects a cultural attitude in France—and perhaps in other countries—where extramarital relationships are sometimes viewed as separate from public responsibilities and are less likely to influence political standing. [11]
Public Opinion
Public opinion surveys reveal that French society is notably more tolerant of extramarital affairs compared to other nations, particularly regarding the personal lives of political figures. A 2013 Pew Research Center study highlighted that only 47% of French respondents considered infidelity morally unacceptable, making it the lowest rate among 39 countries surveyed. This is in stark contrast to the United States, where 84% of respondents viewed infidelity as morally wrong. Such findings reflect a significant cultural divergence in how private morality is perceived in public life.This tolerance is further underscored by a 2014 Pew Research Center report, which examined attitudes toward infidelity across eight European Union nations. The report revealed a median disapproval rate of 65%, yet France again recorded the lowest level of moral condemnation among the surveyed countries. These results suggest that French society prioritizes professional competence and political effectiveness over personal behavior, particularly when evaluating public figures.The leniency in public opinion likely contributes to the resilience of French politicians’ careers despite personal controversies. It also shapes media coverage in France, where the press traditionally avoids delving into politicians' private lives unless directly relevant to their roles. This cultural attitude reinforces the separation between personal morality and public responsibilities in French society. [12]
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The appearance of computer-mediated communication introduces a new type of communication and consequently a new type of "affair". There are various kinds of computer-mediated communication that differ in some significant aspects: one-to-one or group communication formats, interrelating with anonymous or identified people and communicating in synchronous or asynchronous formats.[13] Online affairs combine features of close and remote relationships.
Ben Ze'ef argues that an online affair is a unique kind of affair—termed "detached attachment", or just "detachment"—that includes opposing features whose presence in a face-to-face affair would be paradoxical. Like direct, face-to-face affairs, online affairs can be spontaneous and casual and show intensive personal involvement. However, online affairs can also be more of a planned discourse than spontaneous talk; like written letters, online messages can be stored and thus have a permanent presence, which is absent from face-to-face affairs.[14]
People participating in online affairs may be strangers to each other in the sense that they have never actually met each other. However, they are also close to each other since they share intimate information. In online affairs, people try to enjoy the benefits of both close and remote affairs, while avoiding their flaws. People enjoy the highly valued products of close affairs while paying the low cost of remote affairs. As one woman wrote: 'He constantly told me that he can not provide me with what I would want and I would always respond with: "I'm not asking anything from you, but simply enjoy your company"'.[15]
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- Affair of the Diamond Necklace
- Hamilton–Reynolds affair
- Eulenburg affair
- Haijby scandal
- Iris Robinson scandal
- Clinton–Lewinsky scandal
- The Makropulos Affair (play)
- The Makropulos Affair (opera)
- Munsinger affair
- Profumo affair
- Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal
- John Edwards extramarital affair
- Mark Sanford extramarital affair
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